I've had another blog for a little over a year now, but I've never felt free to write the truth about how I feel about being a stepmom and a wife of a man who already has children. It's not just the stepkids or their mom and her family or even my husband that I worry about. It's also that I feel like my own family and friends would be shocked to know how I truly feel. I have hidden behind a shield of "look how great life is" and I never felt comfortable coming out behind that shield. At the same time, I have really needed to open up about what is going on in this house, and that quite frankly, I don't like it very much. I want to say whatever I feel like saying, whenever I feel like typing it out without having to worry that someone will personally be upset with me for what I say.
For example, I had written in a post about Husband and his whining about sex on my other blog, well really, it was only a sentence about it not an entire post, and he totally and completely freaked out. He was sooo worried that "Perfect" might read it and he was horrified to have his daughter think he's a man with sexual needs. I think Husband yelled at me for two days about that post, so I finally deleted it.
Now I feel a freedom to express myself like I have never felt before. I've always liked writing out my feelings. It helps to get them down and to go back and read them again. I like that I have no worries about who reads this.
I've also found several stepmom blogs that have given me more comfort then I have felt in a long long time. None of my friends are dealing with the stepfamily issues. They are all in first marriages with biological children. How very lucky for them! But it sure makes me feel alone and I feel terribly guilty talking to them about my life. They have no clue what it's like. All they can do is say "That sounds like it would be hard and I'm sorry you are going through that?" Which I do appreciate but I'd like to know that I'm not the crazy evil woman that I'm made out to be a lot of the time.
So, here's to my new freedom of speech. I can finally tell it like it is. If I can't stand one of the steps I can say that I can't. And then next day I can take it all back without any added drama from Husband, The Witch or her family over my having a bad day!
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Ouch! I mean maybe I live in a city where divorce is more common but I have quite a few women in my personal life that I can now turn too. I know they are both busy though, and one is expecting her first child, so I leave them alone for the most part.
ReplyDeleteWe have the same social circles and their husbands are friends with my bf so it helps. If I have a MAJOR problem and bf is acting like a child I typically call one of the girls and explain the situation to them. After going through it with them they well typically agree that the situation needs a man's advise so they will have the husband call bf.
A few hours later bf will call me and tell me all of his decisions, things I suggested during OUR discussion, and how so and so's husband really helped him come to this conclusion! UGH! But I grin and bear it because at least he is doing it!