Home Again

We all stayed home again today. I actually think we have the flu which explains why I have been so down lately. Not that all this mess wouldn't have made me depressed anyway.

I think we are all feeling better this afternoon. I went to the store early this morning and bought all the typical flu items, like popsicles, chicken soup, juice, gatorade and bread. Our tummies seem to be settling down.

I hope after another good night's sleep we can get up on time and the kids can go back to school. We have our counselor appointment tomorrow as well, so I sure want to be feeling up to that.

Tired

Not much to say today.

This morning I didn't get out of bed so the three boys got to stay home from school. I think that was a good thing because we are all having flu symptoms. Yuck!

Husband made the appointment for just us to speak to the counselor this week.

I feel really drained. All this stuff is taking an emotional toll on me. I appreciate all of your encouragement. It helps me to get through the day.

Before YOU

So guess what? Everyone was happier before I came along. Yes, the story of my fabulous marriage is that I make everyone else miserable. I've been told this over and over and over again. And yet again today, Husband had this exact conversation with The Witch. Everyone was happier before I came along, so now we have to go to counselling. It's all because of me.

Why are ex-wives sooooo mean? I really don't understand it. I truly don't. SHE left Husband for another man. She walked out on her marriage AND her two children!! She only has custody because she manipulated Husband (who really is blind to her and after 20 years you'd think he'd know her better). Did she bother to ask her kids if it was okay with them if she slept with another man and spent a year "finding herself"? Does she really think they were happy with that situation? That they were blissfully happy watching their home and parents fall apart? She's just sooo darn perfect that they love everything she's ever said and done? GIVE ME A BREAK!!

It sucks to be judged, critized, insulted, and emotionally beaten up. You know The Witch hasn't ever talked to me? I've never spent even 30 seconds in the same vacinity with her. And yet she knows all about me, who I am, and what I'm about because of what the steps have told her? Do you know how excited that makes me to ever want to be around the steps knowing that they bring all this gossip back to another woman who uses it against me?

I can't think of a time when I've had anyone, other than X, hate me. I get why X hated me, I left him (NOT for another man, I just left), but this woman doesn't even know me. She knows nothing really concrete about me, other then I married her ex-husband. Yet, she's determined to cause havoc in my life. I'm a human being. I'm a mom. I have three children, who are affected by all of this and will be devastated by another divorce. I have feelings, needs, and wants too. I don't understand what would cause another person to hate and want to destroy a person they don't even know. Or a person who wouldn't even think about how what she does affects other children. How could anyone be so eternally cruel?

I'm so angry right now. I really want to yell at the top of my lungs but the kids would be totally freaked out. They don't deserve to have a mom who is going to pieces.

It was a good day but then...

After I wrote my earlier post today, I did a little housework and headed out to spend time with some friends. We made plans last week to see a movie and eat at the mall. We had a great time talking, and one of the ladies recently moved here, so it was fun getting to know someone new. The movie, When in Rome, wasn't all that great. It was cute but also silly. It didn't really matter though. We had fun.

I rushed home to pick up Baby Boy from school, along with two of his friends for a play date. When Soccer Boy got home, I spent some time with him as well. Drama Boy went to a friend's house so all I got was a phone call from him. I was really enjoying myself, and the kids were having fun hanging out with me too.

Then Husband (and "Perfect") came home and who knew that would turn into a mess? Certainly not me.

I went upstairs to talk to Husband and welcome him home, see how his day went and all that typical stuff. We got to talking about Husband calling to make our appointment with the counselor, and Husband said that he didn't make it because he couldn't get a hold of me. He made a point of getting my cell phone (which I had left at home on accident when I was out for the day) to show me that he had sent me a message trying to talk to me. The counselor was only available at certain times and he wanted to find out what time would work for me. Since I didn't answer him, he didn't make the appointment. All of which sounds reasonable and considerate, except I thought he wanted to take the appointment already in place for next week. The appointment where we were supposed to have a group session. We talked about that yesterday and I made all the arrangements with our insurance so that he could change the appointment from a group session to a session with just us. What was there to ask me about? Anyway, he obviously misunderstood, or I did, but either way there was a misunderstanding.

Husband was frustrated and told me that he doesn't want to have multiple appointments but would like to get to a resolution as soon as possible. He wants his son to come back over here in the next week or two. He also told me that I am bossy and that I'm just trying to get my way.

Honestly, I couldn't say anything. I was very surprised to hear that. I thought I was doing what he wanted and had asked me to do. He even made sure I had the right phone numbers and insurance information before he left for work today. This is certainly not how I want things. If I wanted to force my way, it would be that Trouble never come back over here again and Husband can spend time with him at the mall, or park, or movie theater or wherever, during his visitation. But I realize that is only in my best interest and not the best interest of Husband or Trouble. Going to counselling and trying to work with Trouble and The Witch is a royal pain. But because I love Husband and want Trouble to learn better ways of dealing with life, frustrations and jealousy, I'm a willing party. I'm really not sure how I am being bossy or trying to get my way.

Right now I feel very sensitive. It feels like I'm beaten up on a regular basis. I'm trying to have understanding for Trouble and The Witch in all their threats but I need to feel like Husband is supporting me just like I am supporting him. It hurts me very much when he says things like that. I need to hear that he loves and appreciates me.

So guess what? I'm now going to have to go downstairs and tell Husband that I love him and I'm sorry. Or I can stay up here and we can be angry with one another for the weekend. And of course if I stay up here and we are angry with one another, Husband will be sure to tell me how this is all my fault because of how I acted, that I always do this, that I treat him like crap...

I just need a hug sooo bad! I'd like to feel like I'm still loved even if I'm not perfect and that Husband feels bad about how he acted even if I didn't apologize first. Sometimes I think I'm not worthy of that because I've made too many mistakes.

Things are Looking Up

I'm feeling much better today after all of yesterday's bad news. I made some phone calls this morning and found out that Trouble's counselor is also on our insurance plan. So, we can see this man a few times for free and we don't have to be subjected to The Witch in order to do it. So Yeah! Husband is supposed to be calling to change next week's appointment from a group session to a session with just us. I'll need to find someone to pick up Baby Boy from school, but it will be worth it.

I also contacted Trouble's school counselor to set up an appointment for Husband to meet with her. Husband would like to talk to her before we go see the other counselor. So, he will be meeting with her Tuesday and then we should see the other guy on Wednesday. So Yeah again!

It's nice to feel like I have some control again. I really wasn't happy being dictated to by The Witch. And I'm glad to see Husband taking some control as well. He doesn't do that very often when it comes to The Witch or his kids. I can tell that all of this is very important to him.

Hard Day with Benefits

Husband tried to talk to The Witch yesterday about the counselling appointment, but she was too busy to talk. Can you say coward?

Instead Husband sent a text and told her that he was disappointed that she didn't send him the appointment information so that he could be there and meet the counselor because he has wanted to get Trouble into counselling for a while now.

The Witch wrote back that this was her attorney's idea, not Husbands. Whatever. It probably was his/her suggestion but Husband talked to her about this before.

The Witch also said that Husband has no right to be there because this is HER insurance and that I (Stepped) had better be scared and better show up because I'm the one who needs the counselling, not Trouble. That if I don't show up, she will take us to court.

Yes, more threats. *sigh*

I started crying because I actually am scared. The Witch is really mean. I've seen the things she has done to her family members, so I know that there is evil in her. She hates me, so who knows what she is capable of.

Husband and I were also sent text messages from The Witch that Trouble had sent to her the night I smacked him. They were basically his telling of what happened. Husband and I weren't shocked when we read them, but I guess we were a little disappointed with Trouble's version. It really sounded bad and if that is what The Witch thinks happened, then it's no wonder she is totally freaking out. It seems when Husband talked to her, also that same night, she decided Husband was lying. Trouble made himself sound totally innocent and made me out to be a complete psycho. Like he was just sitting there in the bathroom and I came in and starting hitting him for no reason and all he could do was try to defend himself and tell me to stop. Um, no that is not right. Honestly, I can't understand why she would even believe such a story. It's just so far fetched. Wouldn't most people wonder what happened that would set someone off that they would want to hit another person? It seems very unreasonable that anyone would do something like that unprovoked. But there I go thinking she is reasonable, and of course she is not.

For the back story - Smackdown with Trouble

No phone call from the counselor today either which worries me. I really want to know what is going on.

Husband wants to talk to Trouble's school counselor and get some information from them, and he wants us to make our own appointment with this other counselor so we can talk to him alone, under our own insurance so we aren't subjected to The Witch. I think that sounds like a good idea. We really need to talk with him before we have a group meeting.

So, after about 3 hours with talk about Trouble and The Witch, I decided that it was time to put it to rest. I took Husband upstairs and we made love for an hour. A much better way to spend our time.

I KNEW it, I just knew it

I'm starting to think that all ex-wives are carbon copies. Seriously. Everything I read from other bloggers about the little games and such that these women play, I seem to go through too. I truly don't get it. I wish I had known all of this stuff before I got involved in it. Maybe I would have gotten involved anyway, but my eyes would have been more open.

And here I say that, but I'm also an ex-wife. So, ladies, please remind of all this stuff if/when X decides to get off the couch and find someone to marry. I really don't want to be one of those women being complained about. I don't want to fall into the same insane patterns that all the other ex-wives fall into.

Last week The Witch cancelled the counselor appointment due to insurance. On Friday she set another appointment, and told Husband that her phone wasn't working so she would have to get him the information later.

Today Husband gets a text that Trouble had his appointment yesterday and we are all supposed to meet with the counselor next Tuesday at 2:00. Um... thanks?

Husband really want to be there for this first appointment. Not to be in the room or anything, but he wanted to meet the counselor, to show that he is there to support his son and also to be there to have a say in follow up appointments.

Of course The Witch knew that Husband was going to show up, since he tried to go last week, so she purposely didn't give him any of the information. Yes, I can see clearly now that she is quite controlling.

But it gets better...

She also said in her text that if we (meaning Husband and I) can't come to a resoultion, that she will have to take us to court and change the visitation arrangements.

Good grief. I do tire of the threats. I really do.

Husband and I have asked for her to work with us for about 6 months now. Ever since the first time Trouble ran away and hid from us when he didn't get his way. She completely refused to talk to us, well mostly me. Since she wouldn't go for working things out between all of us, Husband asked her if she would take Trouble to counselling. That was around Thanksgiving, after he was caught with the naked pictures of the girl from school. Of course that didn't happen. And now she tries to make it out like we are causing her problems? We've been trying to fix things with Trouble for some time now.

There is no way I can attend an appointment at 2:00. I have to pick up Baby Boy from school at 3:00. Plus Husband is at work during that time and Trouble is in school. I get that maybe the appointments need to be during the day, but The Witch can't schedule things for us, certainly not for me, without consulting us first.

I'm also frustrated that the counselor is immediately wanting to meet with all of us. She hasn't even talked to Husband and I yet. What is that all about? It makes me really nervous. I'd like a chance to meet with the counselor first.

I had Husband call the counselor to find out how the appointment went, what she would like to discuss next week and of course to get the day/time changed since 2:00 will not work for me. He had to leave a message. I hope that her office calls back tomorrow. I think Husband should know what is going on. Don't you?