Smackdown with Trouble - Final

...Continued from Parts 1, 2 and 3

That entire back story leads me to today and our first appointment with a counselor. I felt like I needed to write it all down, as what happens next should not really come as a complete surprise. It's been over 4 years in the making and while I am not completely proud of what I am about to say, I do feel that if the result is an eye opening experience for The Witch and for Trouble, then it was worth it.

A few weekends ago, New Years weekend, Trouble and "Perfect" were visiting. "Perfect" wanted to attend the church New Years party for teens. Trouble however, wanted to go to a friend's house. We do not know this friend, nor have we heard of him, so I was skeptical. However, do to previous experience, Husband wouldn't say no, or even question Trouble about his plans. All Husband asked was that Trouble call him if he decided to go somewhere else.

The next day Husband talked to Trouble and found out that Trouble had attended a party at someone elses house. The girl who had the party is friend's with Soccer Boy also, and had been bragging about her unchaperoned party on Facebook. - What happens here is based on what Husband told me. I was not in the car. - Husband was very upset about this information and when he picked up Trouble, he asked if there were adults at the party. Trouble was defensive and yelled at his dad, saying that there were a lot of adults there. One of them was "Perfect's" best friend's dad, whom we know. Husband also told Trouble that he was supposed to call to let Husband know if he was going somewhere that night and wanted an apology. Trouble got really mad, and when they got home Trouble locked himself in the bathroom. Husband called the dad we know, and confirmed that there were adults at the party all night.

I had been making plans to go watch a movie with "Perfect" and her best friend, and Husband and Trouble when they got home. Since Trouble locked himself in the bathroom and was throwing a fit, I thought we should go without him, but Husband wanted to take him. Husband was really angry so I decided to knock on the bathroom door to invite Trouble to come to the movie with us.

I said stop throwing a fit, that Husband was worried about him because that is Husband's job, it was obviously a misunderstanding and to come out so we could go to watch a movie. Trouble turned his music blaring loud so he didn't have to listen to me. I knocked on the door several times and told him to come out. When he didn't, I got mad.

I asked Husband to get the key to unlock the bathroom door. Once the door was open, I pushed Husband out of the bathroom and I locked the door. I totally yelled at Trouble, got right in his face and gave him a piece of my mind. I have no idea what I said. I do know I was not swearing but other then that, I don't know, but I was really pissed off.

Husband was freaking out on the other side of the door telling Trouble not to hurt me. In order to understand this you'd have to know that I am very tiny. I weigh less then 100lbs and I'm short. Trouble is as big as Husband, and since Trouble has punched kids before, I can see why Husband would be worried. However, I was the one in control in that bathroom. I think Trouble was shocked along with being pissed off. We were probably in the bathroom less than a minute.

Trouble made his way out of the bathroom and unto the hall. I continued to yell at Trouble and this time I know I was telling him that this is my house, it's my rules and that he is not going to push us around anymore. I am in charge and I don't care if he likes it or not, but that he will do what I say, when I say it. Trouble was seriously glaring at me, and was mouthy. He told me he didn't have to listen to me. That I don't know anything. That I can't tell him what to do. That if I don't like it, I can send him home. And somewhere in all of that, I slapped his face. I know after I did that I said specifically "I don't give a crap if you and I have a relationship, but I do care if you two do" meaning Trouble and Husband. I told Trouble to sit on his bed and listen to what Husband has to say and they needed to work things out. Then I left and took the dog for a walk in order to calm down.

As a side note, "Perfect's" friend must have thought she was in a crazy house. However, when I think about it, she acted perfectly normal when I came back. She and "Perfect" came into the kitchen to talk to me about the movie. I wonder what kind of drama she must see at her house?!

After Husband and Trouble talked things out, Trouble started texting The Witch and telling her that she needs to take me to court. The Witch called Husband and they had a calm conversation, which was very surprising to me, considering I just slapped her kid.

After all that we still went to the movie, only a later showing of it. Trouble didn't say a word on the drive, refused to eat dinner and went to the lobby of the theater for part of the time.

When we got home from the movie, Husband asked Trouble a question and Trouble ignored him. This set me off again, and I yelled at Trouble about listening to his dad and to answer Husband when he asks a question. Trouble told me to stop talking for Husband and I told Trouble that I thought we already made it clear that it's my house, my rules and my way. I had Husband and Trouble talk together again without me in the room.

The next day Trouble never came out of his room. He texted The Witch and told her he wasn't feeling well. The Witch called Husband to tell him that Trouble wasn't feeling well. I stayed out of it this time, but once Husband came downstairs after tending to the "illness" I told Husband that for future he should tell The Witch that if Trouble calls again, that she needs to tell Trouble to stop and to talk to Husband directly. Husband went out of his way all day taking up things to Trouble and even going to the store to get things for him. And guess what... Trouble wasn't sick. Yes, I know you saw that one coming. But Husband, was a pushover as usual.

Last week Husband got a call from The Witch. She demanded that Husband sign papers stating that he would no longer have visitations with Trouble and if he didn't sign she would take us to court for child abuse. Husband called me totally panicked wondering what to do. I told him that The Witch was being stupid because all a judge will do is tell us to go to counselling which is what Husband had told the Witch to set up several times over the last couple of months. I told him to call her bluff and tell her that he isn't signing anything and that he wants her to set up an appointment for as soon as possible. -- We would have done it but Trouble would never have gone if it was something we wanted. Plus The Witch can get counselling for free since her husband works for the city. It would cost us the full price and The Witch would then owe half. It makes the most logical sense for The Witch to do it.

And thankfully she made the appointment, but of course she insisted that Trouble isn't the one who needs to go, because he never acts like this at her house. Stepmom (Me) is the problem and needs counselling.

I agree that yelling at Trouble and slapping him was way over the top. I was out of control angry and I'm sure there are better ways to have handled things. I know that Husband and I need to learn how to deal with Trouble in a way that is positive for all of us, and I am very open to whatever the counselor suggests.

However, Trouble TOTALLY needs counselling and The Witch is in complete denial about her part in all of this. She has contributed to this insanity for years by allowing Trouble to be a victim rather then helping him to take responsibility for his part. And Trouble acts out in places other than in my home as well. If things don't go his way, he will throw a fit. He may not do it to The Witch but he certainly does with classmates, teachers and community members.

Husband and I have decided that Trouble has resented me moving into the house, and my kids taking over his room, and having to share his time, since the very beginning. Trouble has always thrown tantrums when he didn't get his way. This started long before I came into the picture and even The Witch agrees that he has always done this. Both The Witch and Husband have given into the trantrums in one way or another, but Husband stopped being as easy to push once I came along. I was the bad guy long before I ever did anything to warrant the title and I think I would have been the bad guy no matter what.

The fight that very first day over 4 years ago between Soccer Boy and Trouble, was due to Trouble not wanting to share his room or his game system. And Husband came to Trouble's rescue, with me and Soccer Boy being the bad guys. Trouble was never held accountable for anything that he did that day, nor any day since.

So, Trouble has the first appointment and I'd love to be a fly on that wall. I can only imagine the things he will tell this man about how terrible he's been treated by me and Husband. I really want this to be a step in the right direction. I have my doubts but I want to keep an open mind. Husband and I could certainly use a silver lining because our marriage, from day one, has been a major rollercoaster ride when it comes to Trouble.