More on the Counselor Emails

Husband and I decided to respond with dignity and maturity to The Witch's email, and copy the counselor of course. This is the email written from the voice of Husband, but we wrote it mutually together.

"I feel that there is a great misperception about my wife and things that have happened here in our home. It is because of these misperceptions that I feel we need to meet together as adults who care about Trouble and who want what is best for him. This includes my wife.

I would like to address some of those misperceptions here and would hope to further this conversation in person with the counselor.

Stepped and I have both come to understand recently that Trouble has misinterpreted what we mean when we say this is our house. We are the adults who have the ultimate say in what goes on in our home. There has been a lot of dictation on Trouble's part as to what he thinks he should be able to do and has not respected our feelings in the matter. Because this is our home, and we have our own needs and wants and have to account for the needs and wants of all five of our children, the decisions made are up to our digression. This does not mean that the children are not welcome here or have a place in our home or our lives. We would like to have a discussion with Trouble on this subject as well.

There have been a handful of times over the last 4 and a half years where the words damn or hell have been used either toward or in front of the children. I believe this issue has been exaggerated.

The yelling has certainly increased over the last several months, as Trouble's disrespect has increased. Stepped is typically backing me up in the instances where Trouble has disregarded what I am saying to him. She does have an expectation that all the children are to be respectful to the adults and it does result in anger and yelling when they are not. We would like to minimize the conflicts, and come to a more positive approach but that can only take place if there is respect between all parties.

No one is more aware of Stepped's mistakes then she is. However, she deserves to be forgiven, as we all deserve forgiveness and we need to try to move forward.

We agree with the counselor's recommendation to have a discussion together to get past the misperceptions and talk about our differences so that we can be unified on behalf of the children. We are not asking for friendships nor would we think that is even reasonable, but we do mutually share 2 children between us and they need us all to work together for them. I feel that if we are united in purpose and respect one another, even if we disagree on the specifics, that the kids will be benefitted greatly. Then we can start to heal the relationship with Trouble, Stepped and I, and can move forward with having a discussion with him directly."

The Witch was totally ticked off and called Husband on the phone last night. She wasn't mad because of our email but because we replied including the counselor. She was mad that we included her email and she was still insisting that I'm the only problem and it has nothing to do with her. She doesn't think she needs to talk to the counselor at all. After about two minutes of her complaining at Husband, I gave him the "cut it off" sign and he said "I need to go" and hung up on her. I actually busted out laughing. It's not that it's really funny but she just acts so typical and predictable. I told Husband that if she tries to talk to him about this over the phone again, that he needs to say "Hold that thought. I need to get my recorder so I can record this conversation." I'm sure she will hang up at that point, but if not, we actually do have a device to record cell phone conversations which he can use.

We feel that this is most likely the end of counseling unless the counselor can calm her down and help her to see that it's in her sons' best interest for her to be more mature, respectful and cooperative. However, if she does try to take us to court, I think we have a good foundation to show that we have been respectful and willing to work with the counselor to help Trouble. I'm sure she will end up looking like an idiot and my guess would be the judge will tell her she needs to continue the counseling and be more cooperative. If she has a lawyer with any sense, the lawyer would tell her to do the same and save us all the headache of court.

As a side note, Husband invited Trouble to watch a movie with ALL of us yesterday and Trouble came with us. He didn't exactly talk to me directly, but when Soccer Boy was talking about their last soccer game on the drive, it was a group conversation and went well. It's not major, but it does show that The Witch was wrong (again) because it's not that Trouble doesn't want to be around me at all, like she said, but that he doesn't want to come over here and have to follow our rules. *sigh* She keeps saying that Husband doesn't get it but she is the one who is totally delusional. It's like a lot of you are saying, she is making this all into what she wants it to be and twisting things in order to suit her purposes. I don't like her either but she's still their mom, I respect that and I care enough about the kids to do things that might be uncomfortable for me in order to help them.

I doubt this is the end of the drama.

PS We actually do have fun around here too. We had a nice family Super Bowl party, with the family members who were home today. I'm stuffed from all the food!