Reponse from Husband and I to the Counselor and The Witch (since we were asked to include everyone in counselor emails)
"Stepped and I (Husband) are ready and willing to meet with you and The Witch to discuss how to more effectively co-parent. Our specific thoughts for the discussion would be to:
*go over our household rules so there is no ambiguity
*gain a clearer understanding of The Witch's household rules
*come to a mutual agreement to respect each other's household rules, even those that differ
*create unity for the children, all parents working together in the kids best interest
We are available to meet next week in the evenings after 4:30. Or the following week from Wednesday on we are open anytime."
Reponse from The Witch sent only to Husband:
"Husband,
you are missing the problem. the problem is not in my household or about rules. the problem is with Stepped. Trouble does not want
to be around her at all. has nothing to do with his dislike for the rules. until you understand that there is little point talking about co-parenting. which I do not attend to do with her. I will coparent with you which I feel has been great, but not with Stepped. how can you talk about coparenting with someone who tells both my children all the time that your house is not theirs, yells and cusses all the time and then be involved in church activities. I will not be be involved with someone like that. I don't need that in my life or my kids life. I am willing to talk with you and discuss our children but that's it. I still think the goal for FAMILY therapy is to get Trouble involved and
talk to him about his problems. This is supposed to be about him, not my household."
So, there you have it. Did I predict this right or what?! Her view of me is so totally skewed I don't even know what to say really. Her discription of me sounds like a stranger because that is certainly not accurate.
We forwarded her message to the counselor and hope that maybe he can help but I doubt it. The Witch is the witch.
I have a question. Is it natural for me to now feel like I don't even want to be around "Perfect" either? If she too is telling her mom that I yell and cuss all the time and so on, what would be her reason for telling those lies? I get why Trouble is doing it, he's trying to get his mom on his side to hate me, but I've never been under the impression that "Perfect" also felt that way. I always thought she at least respected me and that we got along for the most part. I really didn't know that she too disliked me. That really makes me feel bad.
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Some people know how to manipulate what they hear. 'Perfect' might not be saying she does this and this and this but maybe saying something else that her mom is manipulating to make it appease her needs in the situation.
ReplyDeleteI get what you are saying and I would have the same questions but up until now 'perfect' has been just that you know. How do we even know it was her saying it and not 'trouble?' He seems to feed into his mothers insecurities which puts you in a bad place but just remember to stay strong and not let her get to you.
Wow, I swear your husband's ex is my husband's ex. You have every reason to feel the way you do. Whether the witch and perfect like it or not, your husband chose you and you are in their lives! I think perfect would be cool w/you if the witch didn't influence him. I sure hope the counselor will help your situation, but I wouldn't be surprised if the witch fires him if things don't go her way. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure this ends the counselling as well. I guess we can still try to talk to Trouble and the counselor, but what good will that do if The Witch doesn't support me being in the kids lives? I don't see how a child can respect someone that their parents hate. You'd have to be one mature kid to not be influenced by your parents, or one of them in this case.
ReplyDeleteI do know that I'm trying, even though I've made many mistakes, and Husband and I are doing all we can to be mature and responsible. I don't want to sit and talk to her either, but it's not about me and what I want, it's about Trouble and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
This is so sad. I wish parents could realize that what they hear from their teenage kids is not always truth. She should at least be able to give you the benefit of the doubt. But instesad, she's using you as an excuse to alienate Trouble from his father. I think that sucks.
ReplyDeleteDon't jump to conclusions with Perfect just yet. What the Witch says could be her own delusional interpretation of things.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Big hugs to you.
Cheese Ball
ReplyDelete3 pkgs cream cheese – slightly softened
2 tubs Merkts cold pack cheese spread (I get it at Walmart)
green onions – finely chopped
2-3 pkgs Buddig ham – finely chopped
Milk to make creamy
bacon bits
Combine everything except bacon bits. Shape into a ball. Sprinkle bacon bits on top
We are having hot wings, chili cheese dogs, chips and dip, choc chip cookie (colts style) cake, black russian cake, relish tray, cheese ball, and puppy tracks. Way too much junk! Hope that gives you some idea's.
I know how you feel about the s'kids. It's so hard when you're hit with their animosity when, really, you've done nothing worse than move into a position their mother vacated and tried to love and do for them by filling a void in their life and their fathers. Step-mothering is NOT for the faint of heart or for wimps. Hang in there. I don't know if it will really get better (I haven't reached the point in my journey where I can say either way that it does or doesn't) but you might at least be able to get to the point where you can be more emotionally distant and not care as much.
ReplyDeleteMy guess here is that the ex is enjoying blowing up every negative thing she hears about you into a big deal so she will have the excuse not to engage with you, and turning things Perfect said that were meant neutrally into negatives as well. The ex sounds jealous and insecure; in my experience whether she left your husband or he her does not change the jealousy factor. The ex may also be cross-examining the kids to draw out things she can reinterpret as negatives.
ReplyDeleteIn their mixed up worlds, it is normal for stepkids to re-jig their real views about their stepparents to match what their other parent seems to want to hear.
I know you feel betrayed by Perfect, but hang in there. Although it doesn't feel like it, if you guys seem to get on well when you're together then you're winning with her.
The counsellor will see straight through the ex's email. She doesn't realise it, but her attitude is actually harming her own children by delaying their adjustment to having you as their Dad's wife.
I agree with the others; I wouldn't immediately assume that Perfect is telling Witch lies. Like they've said, it could be that Witch is just saying that; she could be asking Perfect and Perfect to avoid a fight says nothing which leads Witch to say, "Aha, she IS being mean to you" etc. And it's possible that Perfect is saying what Witch wants to hear to get Witch off her back for some peace and quiet. I'm so sorry you've going through this.
ReplyDeleteI think her response speaks volumes! More than likely it would be in The Witches interest for the 'sake of her children', to actually do the sit down with everyone to just actually have a conversation with you. As a parent you have to know that your kids make up things when they don't want to do something, and using you for the scape goat is the easiest way for them to fuel the fire with their mom. If she could just be an adult and do what the counselor thinks is best for 'her' son, she might see that they know what they are talking about.
ReplyDelete