I told Husband to grow a pair and start creating boundaries for the sake of our marriage and for his children. What I said wasn't so nice, and I don't like being the "mean" wife, but it seemed like he needed permission to be a man, so I gave it to him.
At first, Husband's reaction was "But I can't", meaning he can't tell The Witch no, which sounded kind of childish to me. Rather than picking on him anymore than I already had however, I decided to give him some power. I said "Of course you can. You are a smart man who can do anything you want to do. It's in the best interest of your children for you to stop giving into their mom because you don't want to cause friction. There is already friction and it's only getting worse. Tell her nicely and calmly how you feel."
Husband did tell her how he felt, and as luck would have it, it worked. What do you know?! There was no scene or argument. And Husband did NOT go out last night with The Witch. Yeah!
Instead, Husband and Trouble spent about an hour together. From what I can gather, it didn't go great or terrible, somewhere in the middle. It's a start I guess.
Showing posts with label The Witch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Witch. Show all posts
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Quick Update
Trouble had his appointment with the counselor. We got a two sentence email from the counselor which said "met with the kid and he is going to think about what we talked about". I take that to mean, he didn't like what he was told and that's the end of counseling.
Husband recently asked The Witch about future appointments, and she dodged the question.
The latest from Trouble is that he doesn't want to have a relationship with Husband. I guess that explains the counselor email.
The Witch is currently asking Husband to spend time with her and the kids. She has invited him to several events lately, including her nightly walk around the neighborhood and the circus this weekend. It makes me want to throw things. I thought Husband would tell her no way, but I see today that they are all going on a family outing Thursday night. Of course no one told me about it, I saw it in an email and I'm certainly not invited.
My true feeling is that my husband is stupid, the ex wife a controlling B and they are screwing up their kids by trying to act like a happy family that they aren't, which only makes it harder when the step parents are around because we mess up the happy family events that would have occurred if we just went away and died.
However, I'm trying to convince myself that it's best for the kids if their parents get along, even if it means they go out and do things together where I am not invited. I'm glad they can be around one another without starting a war and maybe it will help Husband to work things out with Trouble.
Still, where the heck do I fit into all of that?
Husband recently asked The Witch about future appointments, and she dodged the question.
The latest from Trouble is that he doesn't want to have a relationship with Husband. I guess that explains the counselor email.
The Witch is currently asking Husband to spend time with her and the kids. She has invited him to several events lately, including her nightly walk around the neighborhood and the circus this weekend. It makes me want to throw things. I thought Husband would tell her no way, but I see today that they are all going on a family outing Thursday night. Of course no one told me about it, I saw it in an email and I'm certainly not invited.
My true feeling is that my husband is stupid, the ex wife a controlling B and they are screwing up their kids by trying to act like a happy family that they aren't, which only makes it harder when the step parents are around because we mess up the happy family events that would have occurred if we just went away and died.
However, I'm trying to convince myself that it's best for the kids if their parents get along, even if it means they go out and do things together where I am not invited. I'm glad they can be around one another without starting a war and maybe it will help Husband to work things out with Trouble.
Still, where the heck do I fit into all of that?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Wonders Never Cease
Today, I received my very first email from The Witch. I know. I am shocked too!
She was totally insulting while asking for a favor, but who would expect anything different?! Still, despite the fact that she lives up to her nickname, I actually feel kind of happy. It's amazing to FINALLY be acknowledged as a person who plays a part in her daughter's life.
And thankfully, I had already taken care of the thing she was asking. Yes, I actually am on the ball as a parent. Even it I'm "only" the step-parent.
I wrote a simple two sentences back. The first confirming I had taken care of it and the second to thank her for her reminder.
I am learning ever so slowly to be a peacemaker in this battle.
She was totally insulting while asking for a favor, but who would expect anything different?! Still, despite the fact that she lives up to her nickname, I actually feel kind of happy. It's amazing to FINALLY be acknowledged as a person who plays a part in her daughter's life.
And thankfully, I had already taken care of the thing she was asking. Yes, I actually am on the ball as a parent. Even it I'm "only" the step-parent.
I wrote a simple two sentences back. The first confirming I had taken care of it and the second to thank her for her reminder.
I am learning ever so slowly to be a peacemaker in this battle.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Stepped, the Comedian
More could have said...
The Witch "It's not okay to hit your children..."
Stepped "Come over here and I'll slap your face and you can tell us if it was an act of violence and if it hurt."
Only in my best dreams...
P.S. I died laughing after I wrote this. The visual is simply hilarious.
The Witch "It's not okay to hit your children..."
Stepped "Come over here and I'll slap your face and you can tell us if it was an act of violence and if it hurt."
Only in my best dreams...
P.S. I died laughing after I wrote this. The visual is simply hilarious.
After thoughts
What I wish I could have said, but of course never would:
The Witch "Husband should have told Trouble no (in reference to the birthday party) and spent time alone with him."
Stepped "Trouble had a good time at the party. Husband felt comfortable with his decision to take Trouble to the party. They were both happy and had a good evening. But because Husband didn't do exactly what you wanted him to do, or handle the evening the way you would have handled it, you are upset. Trouble is bright enough to figure out that you do not approve of the way Husband handles things and that you would do things differently. It now makes sense why Trouble no longer respects Husband or listens to Husband, no matter what tone of voice is being used in the asking. Husband has lost all credibility as a parent because of your attitude about his parenting.
The same situation applies to us going to see a movie two weeks ago. Trouble had a good time and Husband and I felt like it was a good first step in mending our relationship with Trouble. But your response was that I should not have gone with them and Trouble was uncomfortable, so Husband did the wrong thing. I was uncomfortable too! It's going to be uncomfortable for some time and had been uncomfortable for at least a year prior to this. This is the reason we are here, to work on things so we can be comfortable with one another again. In the meantime, if you are constantly critical of everything Husband does or doesn't do, Trouble will never come to respect his dad, and we will never be able to mend the relationship fully.
So far you have been negative and critical. Trouble knows how you feel about Husband's parenting and Trouble now has the same attitude. This is what the counselor means when he says you need to be supportive of Husband as Trouble's dad. You need to change how you are responding to Trouble when he is upset about something Husband has done or when Trouble makes comments about his activities where you do not approve."
How do you think that would have gone over? *smirk*
The Witch "Husband should have told Trouble no (in reference to the birthday party) and spent time alone with him."
Stepped "Trouble had a good time at the party. Husband felt comfortable with his decision to take Trouble to the party. They were both happy and had a good evening. But because Husband didn't do exactly what you wanted him to do, or handle the evening the way you would have handled it, you are upset. Trouble is bright enough to figure out that you do not approve of the way Husband handles things and that you would do things differently. It now makes sense why Trouble no longer respects Husband or listens to Husband, no matter what tone of voice is being used in the asking. Husband has lost all credibility as a parent because of your attitude about his parenting.
The same situation applies to us going to see a movie two weeks ago. Trouble had a good time and Husband and I felt like it was a good first step in mending our relationship with Trouble. But your response was that I should not have gone with them and Trouble was uncomfortable, so Husband did the wrong thing. I was uncomfortable too! It's going to be uncomfortable for some time and had been uncomfortable for at least a year prior to this. This is the reason we are here, to work on things so we can be comfortable with one another again. In the meantime, if you are constantly critical of everything Husband does or doesn't do, Trouble will never come to respect his dad, and we will never be able to mend the relationship fully.
So far you have been negative and critical. Trouble knows how you feel about Husband's parenting and Trouble now has the same attitude. This is what the counselor means when he says you need to be supportive of Husband as Trouble's dad. You need to change how you are responding to Trouble when he is upset about something Husband has done or when Trouble makes comments about his activities where you do not approve."
How do you think that would have gone over? *smirk*
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Counseling Details – The Juicy Stuff
So, I made it through the session. I did better than I thought I would actually. However, I probably did talk a little more than I should have. But I was calm and respectful the whole time.
The Witch cannot say the same. She obviously is not a yeller, so her voice was not raised but she was highly judgmental and argumentative. She did not listen to anything the counselor had to say at all. Her husband never spoke a single word. It was like he wasn't even there.
Not that this has anything to do with the session, but now that I've seen this guy up close, I have no clue what she left my husband for. I guess he makes more money and he is taller, but my husband is so attractive and hers… he's okay but not so much.
Husband did GREAT! I was totally proud of him and he said some things to her that needed to be said. Yet, he did it with a lot of class.
I wish I could remember everything but basically it started with the counselor talking about what he has observed from the two sessions and the email exchanges. He went over what he thought would be helpful for our situation, being that the adults need to come together and support each other's household, respect the differences and make the transitions as easy as possible between homes. Husband was the first to talk and said yes he agrees with what the counselor was saying. The Witch said she wasn't sure.
The Witch went into how Trouble is perfect at her house and they have no issues so the problems are all with Husband and mostly with me. (Big shock right?) That she is doing everything possible to help Trouble to spend more time with his dad and he doesn't want to come to the house anymore because of me.
Husband explained about some of the events leading up to Trouble not wanting to come over and explained how Trouble is using the two parents against one another to get what he wants because he figured out how he can.
The Witch said that she believes everything Trouble tells her, and she can't imagine him lying, so if he is saying there are problems, it's because there are.
Husband said Trouble has lied to her about things or exaggerated the truth many times.
The Witch was mad Husband called Trouble a liar and again said she believes what he says and that he would never lie.
Husband said he knows Trouble has lied and "Kids do that".
The counselor was close to laughing. I'm glad he has facial hair to hide behind or his emotions would give him away. The counselor said he doesn't feel arguing will help but Trouble will be biased in retelling of events and we need to be aware of that for future and take time to find out the facts from the other parent.
The Witch would have nothing to do with that at all.
I'm not sure what happened next. I think the counselor asked us about the differences in our homes and why some of those differences are causing issues. Something like that. Husband brought up going to church and how we want him to go with us but he causes huge fights about church.
The counselor asked if it's because of church, Stepped, the rules or doctrine. The Witch said it's because Trouble doesn't believe everything he hears at church but she has always been respectful of church and takes "Perfect" to church and more stuff I don't remember about how wonderful she is about church.
I had a look on my face like "Are you kidding me?"
The Witch said "Stepped do you have something to say?" (really snotty too by the way)
I took a second, since these would be my first words, and looked right at her and said "You don't think positively about church. I know your parents brought you up in this same church and you have been against it since you were 17. We all know you don't like our religion and you have not been supportive of our beliefs." - please note I was polite in my tone and my body language, thank you very much
She said nothing. Yeah me!
The counselor said he would like to talk to Trouble to find out what it is about church he doesn't like and all we can do is to speculate without him there.
The Witch and Husband talked about all kinds of things after this. Mostly arguing but I have to say Husband did not come across as angry or argumentative, even if he was contradicting what she was saying. He did get upset a few times but folded his arms across his chest and said nothing. She was mad though. Things were not going her way and she wasn't happy.
I spoke to The Witch directly a few other times. Once to defend Husband when The Witch said that Husband NEVER does anything with his kids. Husband was quiet so I piped up and listed off all of the things Husband does with his kids when they come to visit. Again, The Witch said nothing.
The counselor said he would talk to Trouble about what "spending time" means to him so he can get more clarification and work from there.
The Witch said I yell at Trouble all of the time and Husband came to my defense and said other than the one time, I am rarely involved and it's usually Husband enforcing rules that Trouble associates with Stepped, like bedtime. So while Trouble is saying he is mad at Stepped, Stepped wasn't the one involved.
I believe The Witch said something like "Oh please"
The next time I spoke was when she started in about the night I slapped Trouble and how she just can't have that. It's not okay to hit your child and I should have left him in the bathroom to cool down rather than barging into the bathroom yelling and hitting.
Obviously I couldn't let that one go, so I explained how I knocked on the door to ask him to come out and come to see a movie with us. I did not slap him until after all three of us were in the hall and he had been yelling in my face, then I did send him to sit on his bed to talk to his dad, and after we still went to see the movie.
The Witch said with eyes rolling "Because the most important thing was the movie."
I said "No. I was fine with Trouble not going to the movie but Husband wanted Trouble to go and I was supporting my husband."
The counselor said what happened that night was not okay but we need to let the past go. Talking about all of the bad things we have done is not helping. He asked us to think of positives on both sides because surely there are good things about everyone.
I don't know where this part was in the conversation but The Witch told Husband she was upset with him for taking Trouble to a birthday party this weekend, instead of spending time with him.
Husband said he did spend time with him and Trouble wanted to go to the party.
The Witch said Husband should have told Trouble no because they needed to spend more time together.
Husband said Trouble could have spent the entire day with him camping but Trouble didn't want to go.
The Witch said she tried to get Trouble to go but Trouble said no and she wasn't going to make him.
LOL -- Did you catch the contradiction?
Husband also said it wasn't up to her what he decides to do with the kids during his time. -- Go Husband!!
We ended the hour with the counselor once again telling The Witch she plays an important role in supporting Husband as Trouble's dad, even if she doesn't agree with the way he parents. He reiterated while we have different styles of parenting and different ideas about what is acceptable and what isn't, the important thing is for the kids to make the switch from one home to the other and respect the rules in each house. The Witch continued to say how it's not about her but only about Husband and me.
The last time I spoke to her I said "It is about you. We are all adults involved in Trouble's life and you need to be involved in this because you are his mother."
She said something like I am involved but kind of under her breath.
The counselor set an appointment for Trouble two weeks from now. The counselor will be talking to Trouble alone. As we walked out the counselor was saying he will try to keep some spots open for the weeks following, in the evenings, so we don't have to wait as long between sessions. The Witch walked right past the counselor, her husband on her heels, not a word to the counselor and bolted down the hallway. Husband and I paused to shake hands with the counselor and told him thank you.
The Witch will never change. I fear if she doesn't work on her little part of all of this, there is really no hope. But maybe the counselor can work miracles with Trouble. I don't totally get why The Witch is so negative. She barely has anything being asked of her. Husband and I are going to be on the hot seat for a long time and I'm sure we will be asked to make a lot of changes. If there was resistance you'd think it would be one of us.
I think Husband and I did the best we could. I probably should have kept my mouth shut a little more, but I also think what I said each time was important. Husband thought I did well.
So there you have it. My dreaded day is past and I got through it without getting mad. Working with Trouble and the counselor will be no fun either but I hope it will make some difference after a few times. I've been warned that counseling gets worse with teenagers before it gets better.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
One More Day
Only 24 hours from now I will be sitting in a room with The Witch "talking". I told my mom yesterday that I need angels sitting next to me holding their hands over my mouth. To say I am scared would be putting it mildly.
Husband and I have gone over what it is we are hoping to get from the session and I did my best to "practice" with him on what to say in order for us to get our point across. It didn't go very well, but maybe the real thing will go better.
Thankfully last night we didn't talk about any of this stuff and we got a good night's sleep. I can only hope tonight we will get at least some sleep.
Husband and I have gone over what it is we are hoping to get from the session and I did my best to "practice" with him on what to say in order for us to get our point across. It didn't go very well, but maybe the real thing will go better.
Thankfully last night we didn't talk about any of this stuff and we got a good night's sleep. I can only hope tonight we will get at least some sleep.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Husband is having his weekend visitation, but is also a Scout leader for one of the troops in our area. They planned a camp out for Friday night into Saturday and Husband thought Trouble might enjoy going with him. Husband figured Trouble would say no (and in my opinion kind of set himself up for a no, but that's another issue) and suggested that if Trouble did not go camping that he would pick up Trouble and "Perfect" once he got back to spend time with them this evening.
Here is the response from The Witch, and she forwarded this to the counselor for some reason. I guess to make me look bad...
"I asked Trouble about going on the campout Friday and he is not interested in Boy Scouts. I tried talking him into it so you can hang out together just you and him, but he declined. I also talked to him about Saturday evening. He does not want to go to your house or be around Stepped. He said the last saturday visitation that took a lot of persuasion getting him to agree to, he felt uncomfortable being around Stepped. He said he didn't even get to spend any alone time with you at all. I think it would be best if he just spent time with you Saturday night on neutral ground. I don't want him to be with Stepped or at your house until after our meeting with the counselor on Wednesday."
The counselor is going to see that she hates me right? Does it seem obvious to you after reading the things I have posted? I think I am worried the counselor won't see that and actually believe I have done something wrong.
I blogged about that weekend here, you have to skip down to the bottom where I say "On a more positive note..."
For some reason I still feel the need to defend myself and say that we had no intention of bringing him to our house. I don't want him here and probably won't for a long time. I need to feel that both Trouble and The Witch are in a more cooperative and level headed place before I invite him back. As much as she would like it to sound as though she needs to protect Trouble from me, I too feel the need to protect myself from them!
I have one more question about the email above. Does Husband need to spend alone time with Trouble in order for it to count as time with Trouble? I'm confused about the notion that Husband should be alone with Trouble for every visitation. I rarely spend time alone with one of my kids, unless I'm driving them somewhere. X never has alone time with our kids. There is at least two of the three with him and it seems perfectly normal to me for a family of multiple kids to go out and do things as a group. Am I wrong about that? Maybe I feel that way because it seems to work okay with my biological children but it's not actually typical?
Here is the response from The Witch, and she forwarded this to the counselor for some reason. I guess to make me look bad...
"I asked Trouble about going on the campout Friday and he is not interested in Boy Scouts. I tried talking him into it so you can hang out together just you and him, but he declined. I also talked to him about Saturday evening. He does not want to go to your house or be around Stepped. He said the last saturday visitation that took a lot of persuasion getting him to agree to, he felt uncomfortable being around Stepped. He said he didn't even get to spend any alone time with you at all. I think it would be best if he just spent time with you Saturday night on neutral ground. I don't want him to be with Stepped or at your house until after our meeting with the counselor on Wednesday."
The counselor is going to see that she hates me right? Does it seem obvious to you after reading the things I have posted? I think I am worried the counselor won't see that and actually believe I have done something wrong.
I blogged about that weekend here, you have to skip down to the bottom where I say "On a more positive note..."
For some reason I still feel the need to defend myself and say that we had no intention of bringing him to our house. I don't want him here and probably won't for a long time. I need to feel that both Trouble and The Witch are in a more cooperative and level headed place before I invite him back. As much as she would like it to sound as though she needs to protect Trouble from me, I too feel the need to protect myself from them!
I have one more question about the email above. Does Husband need to spend alone time with Trouble in order for it to count as time with Trouble? I'm confused about the notion that Husband should be alone with Trouble for every visitation. I rarely spend time alone with one of my kids, unless I'm driving them somewhere. X never has alone time with our kids. There is at least two of the three with him and it seems perfectly normal to me for a family of multiple kids to go out and do things as a group. Am I wrong about that? Maybe I feel that way because it seems to work okay with my biological children but it's not actually typical?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
More on The Witch
There has been more drama via email with The Witch going on as well as late nights with Husband. She emailed the counselor early this week inquiring about our appointment. Her email went something like:
"I haven't heard anything about our appointment this week. Ever since my meeting with the counselor I haven't been told anything. Trouble is getting comfortable with not seeing Husband and Husband seems to be okay with not communicating with Trouble. If we aren't going to do something soon I will have to get my lawyer involved."
The counselor emailed back something like:
"We haven't set an appointment. I am available on this day at these times."
I emailed back that we are available for the day and time of my choice.
This morning The Witch sent three emails, starting at 7:30 in the morning. The first email said that she would like to meet today if possible because she doesn't want to wait another week and she told everyone over a week ago that she wanted to meet. (Her email was sent the evening of the 11th. That is not even a week ago. Do your math lady!)
The second email said that if she has to wait a week then she needs to meet at another time because "Perfect" has a dentist appointment an hour after the appointment I suggested and Husband should already know that since she told him two weeks ago. (Well, I didn't know. Sheesh)
Husband responded that her time change was fine with us. And The Witch wrote back something like:
"So we are all in agreement to meet at said day and time then?"
Can we say controlling? Let the counselor do his job lady!
Husband was mad about the email from yesterday which is why he was in a bad mood last night and didn't feel like talking to me. He felt attacked. And hoenstly, he was. The Witch is making him sound like a bad parent, since we all know that is her stance on this issue. But we took Trouble to the movies with us the last weekend Husband had visitation and Husband tried to talk to Trouble at the soccer game last Monday. Husband is trying during the time he is given and The Witch's attacks are unfounded. If we needed to defend ourselves she would be the one who would look like an idiot.
Personally,I'm glad The Witch is showing her true colors. Counseling won't do any good if we aren't honest and transparent about who we are and how we feel. I'm glad to see her acting like the crazy, controlling person she is and the counselor is getting all of these emails. She's trying to control him too. I'm starting to wonder if this woman has any sense.
"I haven't heard anything about our appointment this week. Ever since my meeting with the counselor I haven't been told anything. Trouble is getting comfortable with not seeing Husband and Husband seems to be okay with not communicating with Trouble. If we aren't going to do something soon I will have to get my lawyer involved."
The counselor emailed back something like:
"We haven't set an appointment. I am available on this day at these times."
I emailed back that we are available for the day and time of my choice.
This morning The Witch sent three emails, starting at 7:30 in the morning. The first email said that she would like to meet today if possible because she doesn't want to wait another week and she told everyone over a week ago that she wanted to meet. (Her email was sent the evening of the 11th. That is not even a week ago. Do your math lady!)
The second email said that if she has to wait a week then she needs to meet at another time because "Perfect" has a dentist appointment an hour after the appointment I suggested and Husband should already know that since she told him two weeks ago. (Well, I didn't know. Sheesh)
Husband responded that her time change was fine with us. And The Witch wrote back something like:
"So we are all in agreement to meet at said day and time then?"
Can we say controlling? Let the counselor do his job lady!
Husband was mad about the email from yesterday which is why he was in a bad mood last night and didn't feel like talking to me. He felt attacked. And hoenstly, he was. The Witch is making him sound like a bad parent, since we all know that is her stance on this issue. But we took Trouble to the movies with us the last weekend Husband had visitation and Husband tried to talk to Trouble at the soccer game last Monday. Husband is trying during the time he is given and The Witch's attacks are unfounded. If we needed to defend ourselves she would be the one who would look like an idiot.
Personally,I'm glad The Witch is showing her true colors. Counseling won't do any good if we aren't honest and transparent about who we are and how we feel. I'm glad to see her acting like the crazy, controlling person she is and the counselor is getting all of these emails. She's trying to control him too. I'm starting to wonder if this woman has any sense.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Blogged Too Soon
So my last post was sent in haste. Well, I didn't know that at the time.
The counselor sent a last chance email to everyone. He stated that he felt the only way to proceed with helping the situation was for the adults to come together. And The Witch responded that she would come and bring her husband with her. She also said that she wanted Husband to bring that note Trouble wrote. -- oh please, like it matters what demands the child has. Like it's mandatory that we buy him expensive dinners out on the town. Anyway...
I'm very happy she is actually going to come and meet with us. I'm terrified that she is going to rip into me and even more scared of my reaction to that.
Now I need suggestions I think you guys can help me with. What do I do when The Witch starts acting like a witch and I get angry feelings? How do you all deal with that in a way that is constructive? Specifically when dealing face to face with your husband's ex? I'm ready to tune her out, smile and say nothing, bite my lip, twist up a paper in my hand... whatever it takes to get through it and let the counselor work things out. What do you suggest? I'm all ears.
The counselor sent a last chance email to everyone. He stated that he felt the only way to proceed with helping the situation was for the adults to come together. And The Witch responded that she would come and bring her husband with her. She also said that she wanted Husband to bring that note Trouble wrote. -- oh please, like it matters what demands the child has. Like it's mandatory that we buy him expensive dinners out on the town. Anyway...
I'm very happy she is actually going to come and meet with us. I'm terrified that she is going to rip into me and even more scared of my reaction to that.
Now I need suggestions I think you guys can help me with. What do I do when The Witch starts acting like a witch and I get angry feelings? How do you all deal with that in a way that is constructive? Specifically when dealing face to face with your husband's ex? I'm ready to tune her out, smile and say nothing, bite my lip, twist up a paper in my hand... whatever it takes to get through it and let the counselor work things out. What do you suggest? I'm all ears.
I don't know what to do
I think Husband and I are finally at a stand still. I don't know what to do and I feel terrible about what is going to happen to Husband and Trouble's relationship if I can't figure out how to fix it. I know that sounds impossible, but isn't there something I can do?
Yesterday The Witch gave Husband a letter from Trouble and a parenting book. I read the letter today and it's filled with what I would have expected from Trouble. Here are his complaints:
He doesn't like our yelling.
He doesn't want us to take away his Ipod or phone.
He wants to go hang out at the mall with his friends.
He doesn't want to go to church.
He doesn't want to help with dishes, mowing the lawn or other chores.
He wants to spend time with just his dad and sister.
He wants his dad to take him to do more fun things on the weekend.
He wants us to spend more money on eating out.
He wants to do the same things as "Perfect".
Here is what I have concluded from this letter and from the book... The Witch thinks we are bad parents because of Trouble's complaints and that we need to give into Trouble's requests. The Witch is NOT going to speak to the counselor and she will not work with us directly.
I simply don't know where to go from here. We can go over each of these things with Trouble and the counselor but as long as The Witch continues to think we are unfair, what good will that really do? As long as Trouble has a mom who tells him that we aren't fair to him, he's not going to change at all. Why would he? The Witch obviously does all of these things for her son, and that works for her, however, she obviously doesn't respect that we are different and do things different. Somehow different, is wrong in her mind. Being more strict or more structured is wrong to her as well.
We talked to the counselor today and he confirmed that without The Witch's willingness to work through this in some form or fashion, we are at a stalemate. Working with Trouble directly will not solve anything. He also confirmed that we can't give into the demands of the children either. And sadly he also confirmed that with the way things are going, a side effect could be that Trouble will grow up thinking his dad doesn't love him.
I'm so sad and disappointed. I wish there was something else we could do. I want to find the golden nugget that fixes things. I have a terrible feeling that Trouble will be estranged from us for the rest of our lives and I worry that Husband is going to resent me.
Yesterday The Witch gave Husband a letter from Trouble and a parenting book. I read the letter today and it's filled with what I would have expected from Trouble. Here are his complaints:
He doesn't like our yelling.
He doesn't want us to take away his Ipod or phone.
He wants to go hang out at the mall with his friends.
He doesn't want to go to church.
He doesn't want to help with dishes, mowing the lawn or other chores.
He wants to spend time with just his dad and sister.
He wants his dad to take him to do more fun things on the weekend.
He wants us to spend more money on eating out.
He wants to do the same things as "Perfect".
Here is what I have concluded from this letter and from the book... The Witch thinks we are bad parents because of Trouble's complaints and that we need to give into Trouble's requests. The Witch is NOT going to speak to the counselor and she will not work with us directly.
I simply don't know where to go from here. We can go over each of these things with Trouble and the counselor but as long as The Witch continues to think we are unfair, what good will that really do? As long as Trouble has a mom who tells him that we aren't fair to him, he's not going to change at all. Why would he? The Witch obviously does all of these things for her son, and that works for her, however, she obviously doesn't respect that we are different and do things different. Somehow different, is wrong in her mind. Being more strict or more structured is wrong to her as well.
We talked to the counselor today and he confirmed that without The Witch's willingness to work through this in some form or fashion, we are at a stalemate. Working with Trouble directly will not solve anything. He also confirmed that we can't give into the demands of the children either. And sadly he also confirmed that with the way things are going, a side effect could be that Trouble will grow up thinking his dad doesn't love him.
I'm so sad and disappointed. I wish there was something else we could do. I want to find the golden nugget that fixes things. I have a terrible feeling that Trouble will be estranged from us for the rest of our lives and I worry that Husband is going to resent me.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Responses to Counselor Email
Reponse from Husband and I to the Counselor and The Witch (since we were asked to include everyone in counselor emails)
"Stepped and I (Husband) are ready and willing to meet with you and The Witch to discuss how to more effectively co-parent. Our specific thoughts for the discussion would be to:
*go over our household rules so there is no ambiguity
*gain a clearer understanding of The Witch's household rules
*come to a mutual agreement to respect each other's household rules, even those that differ
*create unity for the children, all parents working together in the kids best interest
We are available to meet next week in the evenings after 4:30. Or the following week from Wednesday on we are open anytime."
Reponse from The Witch sent only to Husband:
"Husband,
you are missing the problem. the problem is not in my household or about rules. the problem is with Stepped. Trouble does not want
to be around her at all. has nothing to do with his dislike for the rules. until you understand that there is little point talking about co-parenting. which I do not attend to do with her. I will coparent with you which I feel has been great, but not with Stepped. how can you talk about coparenting with someone who tells both my children all the time that your house is not theirs, yells and cusses all the time and then be involved in church activities. I will not be be involved with someone like that. I don't need that in my life or my kids life. I am willing to talk with you and discuss our children but that's it. I still think the goal for FAMILY therapy is to get Trouble involved and
talk to him about his problems. This is supposed to be about him, not my household."
So, there you have it. Did I predict this right or what?! Her view of me is so totally skewed I don't even know what to say really. Her discription of me sounds like a stranger because that is certainly not accurate.
We forwarded her message to the counselor and hope that maybe he can help but I doubt it. The Witch is the witch.
I have a question. Is it natural for me to now feel like I don't even want to be around "Perfect" either? If she too is telling her mom that I yell and cuss all the time and so on, what would be her reason for telling those lies? I get why Trouble is doing it, he's trying to get his mom on his side to hate me, but I've never been under the impression that "Perfect" also felt that way. I always thought she at least respected me and that we got along for the most part. I really didn't know that she too disliked me. That really makes me feel bad.
"Stepped and I (Husband) are ready and willing to meet with you and The Witch to discuss how to more effectively co-parent. Our specific thoughts for the discussion would be to:
*go over our household rules so there is no ambiguity
*gain a clearer understanding of The Witch's household rules
*come to a mutual agreement to respect each other's household rules, even those that differ
*create unity for the children, all parents working together in the kids best interest
We are available to meet next week in the evenings after 4:30. Or the following week from Wednesday on we are open anytime."
Reponse from The Witch sent only to Husband:
"Husband,
you are missing the problem. the problem is not in my household or about rules. the problem is with Stepped. Trouble does not want
to be around her at all. has nothing to do with his dislike for the rules. until you understand that there is little point talking about co-parenting. which I do not attend to do with her. I will coparent with you which I feel has been great, but not with Stepped. how can you talk about coparenting with someone who tells both my children all the time that your house is not theirs, yells and cusses all the time and then be involved in church activities. I will not be be involved with someone like that. I don't need that in my life or my kids life. I am willing to talk with you and discuss our children but that's it. I still think the goal for FAMILY therapy is to get Trouble involved and
talk to him about his problems. This is supposed to be about him, not my household."
So, there you have it. Did I predict this right or what?! Her view of me is so totally skewed I don't even know what to say really. Her discription of me sounds like a stranger because that is certainly not accurate.
We forwarded her message to the counselor and hope that maybe he can help but I doubt it. The Witch is the witch.
I have a question. Is it natural for me to now feel like I don't even want to be around "Perfect" either? If she too is telling her mom that I yell and cuss all the time and so on, what would be her reason for telling those lies? I get why Trouble is doing it, he's trying to get his mom on his side to hate me, but I've never been under the impression that "Perfect" also felt that way. I always thought she at least respected me and that we got along for the most part. I really didn't know that she too disliked me. That really makes me feel bad.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Laugh Out Loud!
We received the counselor's email today and after reading it, all I can do is to laugh out loud.
A little background, about 6 months ago:
The first time Trouble "ran away" from our house, was because Husband tried to take his phone away as a means of grounding him for his bad behavior that day. Trouble would not give Husband the phone and he left the house and hid somewhere to call his mom. The Witch called Husband after she talked to Trouble and it was my suggestion that after The Witch picked up Trouble, that she bring him back to our house and all of us adults go somewhere, like Wendy's or Starbucks, and talk about things that have been going on and to get a game plan together to help Trouble.
The Witch totally freaked out. She didn't want to have anything to do with talking to me or being around me at all. She made it clear to Husband that I am not part of this and it was just between them.
The Witch picked up Trouble and took him back to her house.
I tried emailing The Witch instead, not about this issue, but about other things that came up afterward. I was polite and stated my feelings on things that were happening and that I was concerned about Trouble.
The Witch chewed me up and spit me out. She would have nothing to do with me. She insulted me, complained to Husband and on and on.
I figured it wasn't worth trying to talk to her anymore, so I let it go after about three emailed attempts to work with her.
So today's email:
Guess what the counselor suggested?
"The most direct manner would be for all adults to meet for a respectful discussion of opinion so we can begin re-structuring the parental level"
LOL!!! Really? He suggested exactly what I tried to do 6 months prior!!!
The Witch is going to be so mad. I'm telling you. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm sure Husband is going to get an earful from her today. Poor guy.
A little background, about 6 months ago:
The first time Trouble "ran away" from our house, was because Husband tried to take his phone away as a means of grounding him for his bad behavior that day. Trouble would not give Husband the phone and he left the house and hid somewhere to call his mom. The Witch called Husband after she talked to Trouble and it was my suggestion that after The Witch picked up Trouble, that she bring him back to our house and all of us adults go somewhere, like Wendy's or Starbucks, and talk about things that have been going on and to get a game plan together to help Trouble.
The Witch totally freaked out. She didn't want to have anything to do with talking to me or being around me at all. She made it clear to Husband that I am not part of this and it was just between them.
The Witch picked up Trouble and took him back to her house.
I tried emailing The Witch instead, not about this issue, but about other things that came up afterward. I was polite and stated my feelings on things that were happening and that I was concerned about Trouble.
The Witch chewed me up and spit me out. She would have nothing to do with me. She insulted me, complained to Husband and on and on.
I figured it wasn't worth trying to talk to her anymore, so I let it go after about three emailed attempts to work with her.
So today's email:
Guess what the counselor suggested?
"The most direct manner would be for all adults to meet for a respectful discussion of opinion so we can begin re-structuring the parental level"
LOL!!! Really? He suggested exactly what I tried to do 6 months prior!!!
The Witch is going to be so mad. I'm telling you. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm sure Husband is going to get an earful from her today. Poor guy.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Ha, ha, HA!
I'm totally in the mood for gloating. It's probably the only time I'm going to feel good about counselling, so I might as well enjoy it now!
The counselor told us today that Trouble needs private sessions so that Trouble can come to terms with whatever it is that is causing his anger. It's the counselors plan to meet with Trouble as soon as possible, tonight even if The Witch is willing to bring him over.
The counselor also said that ALL the parents need to be on the same page and need to stop placing the blame on one person. Specifically me because it's not all one persons fault. Yes, he totally said that!!
The new plan... The counselor is going to send an email to both The Witch and Husband outlining co-parenting and the importance for treating all parents as equals, including stepparents. That when the children come home with stories, the adults need to talk together so there is no more hearsay and guessing. That ALL parents need to be invovled when there are problems. That it's okay to disagree with the other parent, but that we each respect one another's position whether there is agreement or not.
The Witch is going to be spitting fire, steam out of her ears, cussing and hitting walls MAD when she gets that email. She wants it to be all me sooooo badly. So, HA, HA, Ha, HA, ha, ha. I win!
Actually, I hope with all my heart that The Witch will listen to the counselor and start helping Trouble to get past all his anger so we can all be happy. I really hope that even if she is mad about having to work with me (Oh, I just love that!) that she will still take Trouble to the counselor.
You know what makes me want to gloat the most? I've been saying this exact stuff for over a year now. I KNEW that we needed to come together as parents and get united FOR the children. I even tried to start dialog with The Witch this summer but her reponse was that she didn't have to talk to me, and she didn't care what I had to say. So, in your face Witch. I was RIGHT!
Okay, I think I am done now. I'll let you all know the reaction to the email.
The counselor told us today that Trouble needs private sessions so that Trouble can come to terms with whatever it is that is causing his anger. It's the counselors plan to meet with Trouble as soon as possible, tonight even if The Witch is willing to bring him over.
The counselor also said that ALL the parents need to be on the same page and need to stop placing the blame on one person. Specifically me because it's not all one persons fault. Yes, he totally said that!!
The new plan... The counselor is going to send an email to both The Witch and Husband outlining co-parenting and the importance for treating all parents as equals, including stepparents. That when the children come home with stories, the adults need to talk together so there is no more hearsay and guessing. That ALL parents need to be invovled when there are problems. That it's okay to disagree with the other parent, but that we each respect one another's position whether there is agreement or not.
The Witch is going to be spitting fire, steam out of her ears, cussing and hitting walls MAD when she gets that email. She wants it to be all me sooooo badly. So, HA, HA, Ha, HA, ha, ha. I win!
Actually, I hope with all my heart that The Witch will listen to the counselor and start helping Trouble to get past all his anger so we can all be happy. I really hope that even if she is mad about having to work with me (Oh, I just love that!) that she will still take Trouble to the counselor.
You know what makes me want to gloat the most? I've been saying this exact stuff for over a year now. I KNEW that we needed to come together as parents and get united FOR the children. I even tried to start dialog with The Witch this summer but her reponse was that she didn't have to talk to me, and she didn't care what I had to say. So, in your face Witch. I was RIGHT!
Okay, I think I am done now. I'll let you all know the reaction to the email.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Before YOU
So guess what? Everyone was happier before I came along. Yes, the story of my fabulous marriage is that I make everyone else miserable. I've been told this over and over and over again. And yet again today, Husband had this exact conversation with The Witch. Everyone was happier before I came along, so now we have to go to counselling. It's all because of me.
Why are ex-wives sooooo mean? I really don't understand it. I truly don't. SHE left Husband for another man. She walked out on her marriage AND her two children!! She only has custody because she manipulated Husband (who really is blind to her and after 20 years you'd think he'd know her better). Did she bother to ask her kids if it was okay with them if she slept with another man and spent a year "finding herself"? Does she really think they were happy with that situation? That they were blissfully happy watching their home and parents fall apart? She's just sooo darn perfect that they love everything she's ever said and done? GIVE ME A BREAK!!
It sucks to be judged, critized, insulted, and emotionally beaten up. You know The Witch hasn't ever talked to me? I've never spent even 30 seconds in the same vacinity with her. And yet she knows all about me, who I am, and what I'm about because of what the steps have told her? Do you know how excited that makes me to ever want to be around the steps knowing that they bring all this gossip back to another woman who uses it against me?
I can't think of a time when I've had anyone, other than X, hate me. I get why X hated me, I left him (NOT for another man, I just left), but this woman doesn't even know me. She knows nothing really concrete about me, other then I married her ex-husband. Yet, she's determined to cause havoc in my life. I'm a human being. I'm a mom. I have three children, who are affected by all of this and will be devastated by another divorce. I have feelings, needs, and wants too. I don't understand what would cause another person to hate and want to destroy a person they don't even know. Or a person who wouldn't even think about how what she does affects other children. How could anyone be so eternally cruel?
I'm so angry right now. I really want to yell at the top of my lungs but the kids would be totally freaked out. They don't deserve to have a mom who is going to pieces.
Why are ex-wives sooooo mean? I really don't understand it. I truly don't. SHE left Husband for another man. She walked out on her marriage AND her two children!! She only has custody because she manipulated Husband (who really is blind to her and after 20 years you'd think he'd know her better). Did she bother to ask her kids if it was okay with them if she slept with another man and spent a year "finding herself"? Does she really think they were happy with that situation? That they were blissfully happy watching their home and parents fall apart? She's just sooo darn perfect that they love everything she's ever said and done? GIVE ME A BREAK!!
It sucks to be judged, critized, insulted, and emotionally beaten up. You know The Witch hasn't ever talked to me? I've never spent even 30 seconds in the same vacinity with her. And yet she knows all about me, who I am, and what I'm about because of what the steps have told her? Do you know how excited that makes me to ever want to be around the steps knowing that they bring all this gossip back to another woman who uses it against me?
I can't think of a time when I've had anyone, other than X, hate me. I get why X hated me, I left him (NOT for another man, I just left), but this woman doesn't even know me. She knows nothing really concrete about me, other then I married her ex-husband. Yet, she's determined to cause havoc in my life. I'm a human being. I'm a mom. I have three children, who are affected by all of this and will be devastated by another divorce. I have feelings, needs, and wants too. I don't understand what would cause another person to hate and want to destroy a person they don't even know. Or a person who wouldn't even think about how what she does affects other children. How could anyone be so eternally cruel?
I'm so angry right now. I really want to yell at the top of my lungs but the kids would be totally freaked out. They don't deserve to have a mom who is going to pieces.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Things are Looking Up
I'm feeling much better today after all of yesterday's bad news. I made some phone calls this morning and found out that Trouble's counselor is also on our insurance plan. So, we can see this man a few times for free and we don't have to be subjected to The Witch in order to do it. So Yeah! Husband is supposed to be calling to change next week's appointment from a group session to a session with just us. I'll need to find someone to pick up Baby Boy from school, but it will be worth it.
I also contacted Trouble's school counselor to set up an appointment for Husband to meet with her. Husband would like to talk to her before we go see the other counselor. So, he will be meeting with her Tuesday and then we should see the other guy on Wednesday. So Yeah again!
It's nice to feel like I have some control again. I really wasn't happy being dictated to by The Witch. And I'm glad to see Husband taking some control as well. He doesn't do that very often when it comes to The Witch or his kids. I can tell that all of this is very important to him.
I also contacted Trouble's school counselor to set up an appointment for Husband to meet with her. Husband would like to talk to her before we go see the other counselor. So, he will be meeting with her Tuesday and then we should see the other guy on Wednesday. So Yeah again!
It's nice to feel like I have some control again. I really wasn't happy being dictated to by The Witch. And I'm glad to see Husband taking some control as well. He doesn't do that very often when it comes to The Witch or his kids. I can tell that all of this is very important to him.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Hard Day with Benefits
Husband tried to talk to The Witch yesterday about the counselling appointment, but she was too busy to talk. Can you say coward?
Instead Husband sent a text and told her that he was disappointed that she didn't send him the appointment information so that he could be there and meet the counselor because he has wanted to get Trouble into counselling for a while now.
The Witch wrote back that this was her attorney's idea, not Husbands. Whatever. It probably was his/her suggestion but Husband talked to her about this before.
The Witch also said that Husband has no right to be there because this is HER insurance and that I (Stepped) had better be scared and better show up because I'm the one who needs the counselling, not Trouble. That if I don't show up, she will take us to court.
Yes, more threats. *sigh*
I started crying because I actually am scared. The Witch is really mean. I've seen the things she has done to her family members, so I know that there is evil in her. She hates me, so who knows what she is capable of.
Husband and I were also sent text messages from The Witch that Trouble had sent to her the night I smacked him. They were basically his telling of what happened. Husband and I weren't shocked when we read them, but I guess we were a little disappointed with Trouble's version. It really sounded bad and if that is what The Witch thinks happened, then it's no wonder she is totally freaking out. It seems when Husband talked to her, also that same night, she decided Husband was lying. Trouble made himself sound totally innocent and made me out to be a complete psycho. Like he was just sitting there in the bathroom and I came in and starting hitting him for no reason and all he could do was try to defend himself and tell me to stop. Um, no that is not right. Honestly, I can't understand why she would even believe such a story. It's just so far fetched. Wouldn't most people wonder what happened that would set someone off that they would want to hit another person? It seems very unreasonable that anyone would do something like that unprovoked. But there I go thinking she is reasonable, and of course she is not.
For the back story - Smackdown with Trouble
No phone call from the counselor today either which worries me. I really want to know what is going on.
Husband wants to talk to Trouble's school counselor and get some information from them, and he wants us to make our own appointment with this other counselor so we can talk to him alone, under our own insurance so we aren't subjected to The Witch. I think that sounds like a good idea. We really need to talk with him before we have a group meeting.
So, after about 3 hours with talk about Trouble and The Witch, I decided that it was time to put it to rest. I took Husband upstairs and we made love for an hour. A much better way to spend our time.
Instead Husband sent a text and told her that he was disappointed that she didn't send him the appointment information so that he could be there and meet the counselor because he has wanted to get Trouble into counselling for a while now.
The Witch wrote back that this was her attorney's idea, not Husbands. Whatever. It probably was his/her suggestion but Husband talked to her about this before.
The Witch also said that Husband has no right to be there because this is HER insurance and that I (Stepped) had better be scared and better show up because I'm the one who needs the counselling, not Trouble. That if I don't show up, she will take us to court.
Yes, more threats. *sigh*
I started crying because I actually am scared. The Witch is really mean. I've seen the things she has done to her family members, so I know that there is evil in her. She hates me, so who knows what she is capable of.
Husband and I were also sent text messages from The Witch that Trouble had sent to her the night I smacked him. They were basically his telling of what happened. Husband and I weren't shocked when we read them, but I guess we were a little disappointed with Trouble's version. It really sounded bad and if that is what The Witch thinks happened, then it's no wonder she is totally freaking out. It seems when Husband talked to her, also that same night, she decided Husband was lying. Trouble made himself sound totally innocent and made me out to be a complete psycho. Like he was just sitting there in the bathroom and I came in and starting hitting him for no reason and all he could do was try to defend himself and tell me to stop. Um, no that is not right. Honestly, I can't understand why she would even believe such a story. It's just so far fetched. Wouldn't most people wonder what happened that would set someone off that they would want to hit another person? It seems very unreasonable that anyone would do something like that unprovoked. But there I go thinking she is reasonable, and of course she is not.
For the back story - Smackdown with Trouble
No phone call from the counselor today either which worries me. I really want to know what is going on.
Husband wants to talk to Trouble's school counselor and get some information from them, and he wants us to make our own appointment with this other counselor so we can talk to him alone, under our own insurance so we aren't subjected to The Witch. I think that sounds like a good idea. We really need to talk with him before we have a group meeting.
So, after about 3 hours with talk about Trouble and The Witch, I decided that it was time to put it to rest. I took Husband upstairs and we made love for an hour. A much better way to spend our time.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I KNEW it, I just knew it
I'm starting to think that all ex-wives are carbon copies. Seriously. Everything I read from other bloggers about the little games and such that these women play, I seem to go through too. I truly don't get it. I wish I had known all of this stuff before I got involved in it. Maybe I would have gotten involved anyway, but my eyes would have been more open.
And here I say that, but I'm also an ex-wife. So, ladies, please remind of all this stuff if/when X decides to get off the couch and find someone to marry. I really don't want to be one of those women being complained about. I don't want to fall into the same insane patterns that all the other ex-wives fall into.
Last week The Witch cancelled the counselor appointment due to insurance. On Friday she set another appointment, and told Husband that her phone wasn't working so she would have to get him the information later.
Today Husband gets a text that Trouble had his appointment yesterday and we are all supposed to meet with the counselor next Tuesday at 2:00. Um... thanks?
Husband really want to be there for this first appointment. Not to be in the room or anything, but he wanted to meet the counselor, to show that he is there to support his son and also to be there to have a say in follow up appointments.
Of course The Witch knew that Husband was going to show up, since he tried to go last week, so she purposely didn't give him any of the information. Yes, I can see clearly now that she is quite controlling.
But it gets better...
She also said in her text that if we (meaning Husband and I) can't come to a resoultion, that she will have to take us to court and change the visitation arrangements.
Good grief. I do tire of the threats. I really do.
Husband and I have asked for her to work with us for about 6 months now. Ever since the first time Trouble ran away and hid from us when he didn't get his way. She completely refused to talk to us, well mostly me. Since she wouldn't go for working things out between all of us, Husband asked her if she would take Trouble to counselling. That was around Thanksgiving, after he was caught with the naked pictures of the girl from school. Of course that didn't happen. And now she tries to make it out like we are causing her problems? We've been trying to fix things with Trouble for some time now.
There is no way I can attend an appointment at 2:00. I have to pick up Baby Boy from school at 3:00. Plus Husband is at work during that time and Trouble is in school. I get that maybe the appointments need to be during the day, but The Witch can't schedule things for us, certainly not for me, without consulting us first.
I'm also frustrated that the counselor is immediately wanting to meet with all of us. She hasn't even talked to Husband and I yet. What is that all about? It makes me really nervous. I'd like a chance to meet with the counselor first.
I had Husband call the counselor to find out how the appointment went, what she would like to discuss next week and of course to get the day/time changed since 2:00 will not work for me. He had to leave a message. I hope that her office calls back tomorrow. I think Husband should know what is going on. Don't you?
And here I say that, but I'm also an ex-wife. So, ladies, please remind of all this stuff if/when X decides to get off the couch and find someone to marry. I really don't want to be one of those women being complained about. I don't want to fall into the same insane patterns that all the other ex-wives fall into.
Last week The Witch cancelled the counselor appointment due to insurance. On Friday she set another appointment, and told Husband that her phone wasn't working so she would have to get him the information later.
Today Husband gets a text that Trouble had his appointment yesterday and we are all supposed to meet with the counselor next Tuesday at 2:00. Um... thanks?
Husband really want to be there for this first appointment. Not to be in the room or anything, but he wanted to meet the counselor, to show that he is there to support his son and also to be there to have a say in follow up appointments.
Of course The Witch knew that Husband was going to show up, since he tried to go last week, so she purposely didn't give him any of the information. Yes, I can see clearly now that she is quite controlling.
But it gets better...
She also said in her text that if we (meaning Husband and I) can't come to a resoultion, that she will have to take us to court and change the visitation arrangements.
Good grief. I do tire of the threats. I really do.
Husband and I have asked for her to work with us for about 6 months now. Ever since the first time Trouble ran away and hid from us when he didn't get his way. She completely refused to talk to us, well mostly me. Since she wouldn't go for working things out between all of us, Husband asked her if she would take Trouble to counselling. That was around Thanksgiving, after he was caught with the naked pictures of the girl from school. Of course that didn't happen. And now she tries to make it out like we are causing her problems? We've been trying to fix things with Trouble for some time now.
There is no way I can attend an appointment at 2:00. I have to pick up Baby Boy from school at 3:00. Plus Husband is at work during that time and Trouble is in school. I get that maybe the appointments need to be during the day, but The Witch can't schedule things for us, certainly not for me, without consulting us first.
I'm also frustrated that the counselor is immediately wanting to meet with all of us. She hasn't even talked to Husband and I yet. What is that all about? It makes me really nervous. I'd like a chance to meet with the counselor first.
I had Husband call the counselor to find out how the appointment went, what she would like to discuss next week and of course to get the day/time changed since 2:00 will not work for me. He had to leave a message. I hope that her office calls back tomorrow. I think Husband should know what is going on. Don't you?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Soccer Games - Oh the joy
I love to attend the events, activities, ceremonies, concerts and games for each of the kids. I'm for sure one of the kids biggest fans and I am the annoying mom who proudly and loudly cheers for her child. Well, maybe not at the concerts, since you aren't supposed to scream names.
Soccer Boy and Trouble play on the same soccer team for this winter season. Normally only Soccer Boy plays, since The Witch has excuse after excuse for why she misses sign up deadlines for Trouble. And I know you are thinking that Husband or I could sign him up, but I don't see us paying for these kind of things along with child support. Plus The Witch makes more money than we do, so Trouble needs to take her up on these things if he wants to play that badly. Anyway, back to the point. Soccer games are one of those events where I have both The Witch and X in the same place at the same time. I readily encourage all of us to attend these events for the kids, but Husband and I have double the discomfort, which isn't something I really thought about when I encouraged Trouble to be on our team.
X and I get along okay in the sense that we never talk to one another and when we do it is straight to the point and 99.9% of the time via email. Like "Did so and so leave this or that at your house?" or "Can we trade this weekend for that weekend?" X hasn't gotten married since we divorced, so at this point I don't have another stepmom to deal with, but I expect that someday that could change. However X would have to get a job before I would imagine him dating anyone. And if I had any current issue with X it would be that over two years of unemployment, no child support or medical insurance for the kids is getting really old. Last time I checked we are both responsible for the kids. But again, that isn't what this post is about.
The Witch and I do not get along even though we never talk to one another. It's strange how lack of communication can speak just as loud or even louder than actual communication. I've tried a few times to talk to her and she ends up throwing a fit and yelling at Husband because she "isn't obligated to talk to" me. Well, no, she isn't but I typically know what's going on around here so trying to go through Husband all the time gets super frustrating. I'm not big on using a middleman. But it is what it is. And again, that isn't what this post is about.
Soccer games have become one of those places where I am concerned about what I look like, where I am sitting, what I say, what I do and so on. It's strange to feel so self conscience in a place where all I want to do is let the kids know that I am there to support them.
Last night Husband missed half the game so I sat uncomfortably all by myself with The Witch on the next set of bleachers and X on the one just over from that. I'm glad that there are four sets of bleachers at this place, or it could be even worse. I was very glad when Husband showed up. Prior to his arrival I felt as obvious as if I were standing out on the field naked. It seems like his shield makes all the difference.
Thankfully there were no issues at this game. The Witch quietly took Trouble home, with no word to me from either of them. Yes, not even from Trouble. You will learn why if you keep reading my blog. Husband did talk to Trouble briefly. However, if Husband didn't approach Trouble, Trouble would leave without a word to Husband. I'd like to say it's simply the drama of teenagers but sadly, we have some serious issues here.
X and his sister stayed and talked to Soccer Boy for a while after the game was over and I patiently waited nearby. I am glad that Soccer Boy is polite to X and wants to go over plays, goals and mishaps of the games with X. But Soccer Boy doesn't spend very much time with X anymore at X's house. He's busy for one, but Soccer Boy sees X for the lazy person that he is and is irritated with it. I'm perfectly okay with Soccer Boy being home. He's a good kid most of the time, and I enjoy having him around. But I do worry about Soccer Boy not having a relationship with X. It's something I am concerned about and I try to encourage Soccer Boy to talk to X as often as he can.
And in case you were wondering, we lost the game. It was our first loss of the season. Total bummer. However, Soccer Boy assisted Trouble with our only goal of the game. I came home with a sore throat from all the cheering.
Soccer Boy and Trouble play on the same soccer team for this winter season. Normally only Soccer Boy plays, since The Witch has excuse after excuse for why she misses sign up deadlines for Trouble. And I know you are thinking that Husband or I could sign him up, but I don't see us paying for these kind of things along with child support. Plus The Witch makes more money than we do, so Trouble needs to take her up on these things if he wants to play that badly. Anyway, back to the point. Soccer games are one of those events where I have both The Witch and X in the same place at the same time. I readily encourage all of us to attend these events for the kids, but Husband and I have double the discomfort, which isn't something I really thought about when I encouraged Trouble to be on our team.
X and I get along okay in the sense that we never talk to one another and when we do it is straight to the point and 99.9% of the time via email. Like "Did so and so leave this or that at your house?" or "Can we trade this weekend for that weekend?" X hasn't gotten married since we divorced, so at this point I don't have another stepmom to deal with, but I expect that someday that could change. However X would have to get a job before I would imagine him dating anyone. And if I had any current issue with X it would be that over two years of unemployment, no child support or medical insurance for the kids is getting really old. Last time I checked we are both responsible for the kids. But again, that isn't what this post is about.
The Witch and I do not get along even though we never talk to one another. It's strange how lack of communication can speak just as loud or even louder than actual communication. I've tried a few times to talk to her and she ends up throwing a fit and yelling at Husband because she "isn't obligated to talk to" me. Well, no, she isn't but I typically know what's going on around here so trying to go through Husband all the time gets super frustrating. I'm not big on using a middleman. But it is what it is. And again, that isn't what this post is about.
Soccer games have become one of those places where I am concerned about what I look like, where I am sitting, what I say, what I do and so on. It's strange to feel so self conscience in a place where all I want to do is let the kids know that I am there to support them.
Last night Husband missed half the game so I sat uncomfortably all by myself with The Witch on the next set of bleachers and X on the one just over from that. I'm glad that there are four sets of bleachers at this place, or it could be even worse. I was very glad when Husband showed up. Prior to his arrival I felt as obvious as if I were standing out on the field naked. It seems like his shield makes all the difference.
Thankfully there were no issues at this game. The Witch quietly took Trouble home, with no word to me from either of them. Yes, not even from Trouble. You will learn why if you keep reading my blog. Husband did talk to Trouble briefly. However, if Husband didn't approach Trouble, Trouble would leave without a word to Husband. I'd like to say it's simply the drama of teenagers but sadly, we have some serious issues here.
X and his sister stayed and talked to Soccer Boy for a while after the game was over and I patiently waited nearby. I am glad that Soccer Boy is polite to X and wants to go over plays, goals and mishaps of the games with X. But Soccer Boy doesn't spend very much time with X anymore at X's house. He's busy for one, but Soccer Boy sees X for the lazy person that he is and is irritated with it. I'm perfectly okay with Soccer Boy being home. He's a good kid most of the time, and I enjoy having him around. But I do worry about Soccer Boy not having a relationship with X. It's something I am concerned about and I try to encourage Soccer Boy to talk to X as often as he can.
And in case you were wondering, we lost the game. It was our first loss of the season. Total bummer. However, Soccer Boy assisted Trouble with our only goal of the game. I came home with a sore throat from all the cheering.
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