After Husband came home from spending time with Trouble a last night, we had a short but meaningful talk about why all of this is continuing and whether or not we felt there was anything more we could do about it. I had an epiphany, which I shared with Husband, which stems from this question: What are Trouble/The Witch/Husband and Stepped gaining from all of this? I remember Dr. Phil asking people that question on his show. He always wanted them to think about what their payoff was for whatever their issue was at the time.
Stepped: Control of my house. The adults run the show again and life is functioning much better.
Husband: Nothing. He is miserable.
The Witch: Validation that we are terrible, and she is a fabulous mother. Control over Husband.
Trouble: Constant attention from his mom.
He is the middle child, who is typically left out. The oldest is a girl, so mom does girl things with her very regularly, and the youngest is only two, so his basic needs warrant a lot of attention. Trouble... he rarely received any attention.
Husband and I used to talk about that and worried about him because his mom neglected him, even if she didn't mean to and I'm not saying that she did. I'm sure she never even noticed.
Now, The Witch talks to him every day about how he feels and if he's okay. She's been taking nightly walks with him around the neighborhood. She even got him into tutoring. (It's about time! The boy is 14 and still can't read. Hello. That is not normal. We've tried to work with her on this before, but that is another discussion.) They have been watching movies together regularly. She's been taking all of her kids out to do activities, where she only dropped off "Perfect" and Trouble in the past for them to do their own thing. They hang out now and are "buddies".
When he was acting up here, causing all kinds of problems, running away and playing an innocent victim, he got him mom's undivided attention. She came to his rescue each and every time. But it didn't stop there. She would sit with him and talk to him once they were home. Then the next time he came over here, she would call him and text him constantly throughout the day to check on him to make sure he was okay. She worried about him, and focused on him a whole lot more than she did for the first few years of our marriage when she was pregnant and had a newborn.
I wish Husband and I had noticed this before. Trouble needed attention from him mom!!
We thought Trouble was acting out because he wanted to hang with friends and get his way. But he isn't hanging with his friends when he's at his mom's house. And according to The Witch, he has no problem putting away his phone for dinner, when they are doing things as a family or at any time his mom asks him to put it away. He isn't even asking her to do all of the things that he's been fighting with us about. It never made sense to us why Trouble would get explosively angry over the simplest requests.
Now it makes so much more sense. When he has issues with his dad, and especially with me, he gets loads of attention from his mom. If he moves on from all of this drama, he will also be giving up his mom, and he is not going to do that.
Dr. Phil, you are so wise.
Showing posts with label Husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Husband. Show all posts
Friday, March 26, 2010
Family Outing with the Ex
I told Husband to grow a pair and start creating boundaries for the sake of our marriage and for his children. What I said wasn't so nice, and I don't like being the "mean" wife, but it seemed like he needed permission to be a man, so I gave it to him.
At first, Husband's reaction was "But I can't", meaning he can't tell The Witch no, which sounded kind of childish to me. Rather than picking on him anymore than I already had however, I decided to give him some power. I said "Of course you can. You are a smart man who can do anything you want to do. It's in the best interest of your children for you to stop giving into their mom because you don't want to cause friction. There is already friction and it's only getting worse. Tell her nicely and calmly how you feel."
Husband did tell her how he felt, and as luck would have it, it worked. What do you know?! There was no scene or argument. And Husband did NOT go out last night with The Witch. Yeah!
Instead, Husband and Trouble spent about an hour together. From what I can gather, it didn't go great or terrible, somewhere in the middle. It's a start I guess.
At first, Husband's reaction was "But I can't", meaning he can't tell The Witch no, which sounded kind of childish to me. Rather than picking on him anymore than I already had however, I decided to give him some power. I said "Of course you can. You are a smart man who can do anything you want to do. It's in the best interest of your children for you to stop giving into their mom because you don't want to cause friction. There is already friction and it's only getting worse. Tell her nicely and calmly how you feel."
Husband did tell her how he felt, and as luck would have it, it worked. What do you know?! There was no scene or argument. And Husband did NOT go out last night with The Witch. Yeah!
Instead, Husband and Trouble spent about an hour together. From what I can gather, it didn't go great or terrible, somewhere in the middle. It's a start I guess.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Quick Update
Trouble had his appointment with the counselor. We got a two sentence email from the counselor which said "met with the kid and he is going to think about what we talked about". I take that to mean, he didn't like what he was told and that's the end of counseling.
Husband recently asked The Witch about future appointments, and she dodged the question.
The latest from Trouble is that he doesn't want to have a relationship with Husband. I guess that explains the counselor email.
The Witch is currently asking Husband to spend time with her and the kids. She has invited him to several events lately, including her nightly walk around the neighborhood and the circus this weekend. It makes me want to throw things. I thought Husband would tell her no way, but I see today that they are all going on a family outing Thursday night. Of course no one told me about it, I saw it in an email and I'm certainly not invited.
My true feeling is that my husband is stupid, the ex wife a controlling B and they are screwing up their kids by trying to act like a happy family that they aren't, which only makes it harder when the step parents are around because we mess up the happy family events that would have occurred if we just went away and died.
However, I'm trying to convince myself that it's best for the kids if their parents get along, even if it means they go out and do things together where I am not invited. I'm glad they can be around one another without starting a war and maybe it will help Husband to work things out with Trouble.
Still, where the heck do I fit into all of that?
Husband recently asked The Witch about future appointments, and she dodged the question.
The latest from Trouble is that he doesn't want to have a relationship with Husband. I guess that explains the counselor email.
The Witch is currently asking Husband to spend time with her and the kids. She has invited him to several events lately, including her nightly walk around the neighborhood and the circus this weekend. It makes me want to throw things. I thought Husband would tell her no way, but I see today that they are all going on a family outing Thursday night. Of course no one told me about it, I saw it in an email and I'm certainly not invited.
My true feeling is that my husband is stupid, the ex wife a controlling B and they are screwing up their kids by trying to act like a happy family that they aren't, which only makes it harder when the step parents are around because we mess up the happy family events that would have occurred if we just went away and died.
However, I'm trying to convince myself that it's best for the kids if their parents get along, even if it means they go out and do things together where I am not invited. I'm glad they can be around one another without starting a war and maybe it will help Husband to work things out with Trouble.
Still, where the heck do I fit into all of that?
Friday, March 5, 2010
Looking forward to the Weekend
Tonight I have a book club meeting. We read "These is My Words". It was a VERY good story. My kids even liked it. I'm really looking forward to meeting with my friends and chatting about this fascinating woman and her story. -- It's a mostly true story, set in Arizona before it was a state, 1890's.
I bought some supplies for a toffee caramel cheese cake. I'm hoping "Perfect" will bake it with me. Husband looked at me like I was a nut when I told him I planned to make the dessert with his daughter. I don't know what that means, but whatever. I think it will be fun.
Baby Boy has a soccer game on Saturday in the early evening, which means I can sleep in Saturday morning for once.
Soccer Boy has a choir deal Saturday afternoon as well, which involves lunch that I don't have to cook or clean up. Yeah!
Other than basic errands I think this weekend is open for fun! Maybe we will go see new the Alice in Wonderland. That could be fun. Or we could figure out something to do outside since we've been blessed with gorgeous weather.
I hope I didn't just shoot myself in the foot anticipating a nice weekend. What a pessimist I am.
I bought some supplies for a toffee caramel cheese cake. I'm hoping "Perfect" will bake it with me. Husband looked at me like I was a nut when I told him I planned to make the dessert with his daughter. I don't know what that means, but whatever. I think it will be fun.
Baby Boy has a soccer game on Saturday in the early evening, which means I can sleep in Saturday morning for once.
Soccer Boy has a choir deal Saturday afternoon as well, which involves lunch that I don't have to cook or clean up. Yeah!
Other than basic errands I think this weekend is open for fun! Maybe we will go see new the Alice in Wonderland. That could be fun. Or we could figure out something to do outside since we've been blessed with gorgeous weather.
I hope I didn't just shoot myself in the foot anticipating a nice weekend. What a pessimist I am.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Last Few Days
Life has been relatively quiet, or maybe more like normal. I'm glad for the break between dealing with my emotions about Trouble. I'm hoping it will give me renewed strength to get through the next phase in mending things.
Friday:
*took a Pilate's class
*had lunch with Baby Boy at school
*Husband and I went to a scout dinner with Baby Boy (the older boys were playing video games and were not interested)
Saturday:
*Husband had to work
*woke up early and got Drama Boy to an all day scout event
*went to Baby Boy's soccer game
*took Baby Boy to see Percy Jackson (Drama Boy has seen it and Soccer Boy didn't feel like going)
*early evening we all watched Soccer Boy at his soccer game. Trouble didn't make it to the game. He told Soccer Boy that night he was sick.
*watched a movie with Drama Boy, Baby Boy and Husband. Soccer Boy talked on the phone all night with a friend. Teenagerdom is upon us.
Sunday:
*up early for church
*Soccer Boy was too "sick" to go
*we were supposed to turn in paperwork for "Perfect" to attend church camp. The Witch takes control of these things and causes Husband all kinds of grief if she doesn't get to be the "good" parent who fills out the forms, even when they are for a church she doesn't attend. She didn't give us any of the forms and they were due yesterday. Would have been so much easier for us to do it.
*went to my aunt's house for dinner, where Soccer Boy had a miraculous recovery
*Soccer Boy announced he cancelled his ref games next Saturday to attend a party. We had an argument about that one. He's grounded from the phone and computer for a month to "get his head on straight". We had a conversation about being responsible and putting school, work and church before socializing. He will spend all of March getting his grades up and doing the things he should have been all along. His response: "You don't love me because you don't want me to have friends."
Today:
Things are going okay. Husband and I have been very affectionate this weekend. We must be feeling more relaxed now that the counseling session with The Witch is behind us. I'm not nearly as nervous to meet with Trouble. I think he is young enough to be open to the counselor, even if it takes more than one session to get there.
Soccer Boy is starting into the same arguments we have had with Trouble. It goes a lot better knowing that he respects us though. And he doesn't get another parent involved to get his way. Soccer Boy seemed more somber this morning. He knows he made a mistake. It's hard to see him struggle but it's for the best. Maybe he will make better choices the next time.
Now I am off to get some cleaning done before picking up kids from school.
Friday:
*took a Pilate's class
*had lunch with Baby Boy at school
*Husband and I went to a scout dinner with Baby Boy (the older boys were playing video games and were not interested)
Saturday:
*Husband had to work
*woke up early and got Drama Boy to an all day scout event
*went to Baby Boy's soccer game
*took Baby Boy to see Percy Jackson (Drama Boy has seen it and Soccer Boy didn't feel like going)
*early evening we all watched Soccer Boy at his soccer game. Trouble didn't make it to the game. He told Soccer Boy that night he was sick.
*watched a movie with Drama Boy, Baby Boy and Husband. Soccer Boy talked on the phone all night with a friend. Teenagerdom is upon us.
Sunday:
*up early for church
*Soccer Boy was too "sick" to go
*we were supposed to turn in paperwork for "Perfect" to attend church camp. The Witch takes control of these things and causes Husband all kinds of grief if she doesn't get to be the "good" parent who fills out the forms, even when they are for a church she doesn't attend. She didn't give us any of the forms and they were due yesterday. Would have been so much easier for us to do it.
*went to my aunt's house for dinner, where Soccer Boy had a miraculous recovery
*Soccer Boy announced he cancelled his ref games next Saturday to attend a party. We had an argument about that one. He's grounded from the phone and computer for a month to "get his head on straight". We had a conversation about being responsible and putting school, work and church before socializing. He will spend all of March getting his grades up and doing the things he should have been all along. His response: "You don't love me because you don't want me to have friends."
Today:
Things are going okay. Husband and I have been very affectionate this weekend. We must be feeling more relaxed now that the counseling session with The Witch is behind us. I'm not nearly as nervous to meet with Trouble. I think he is young enough to be open to the counselor, even if it takes more than one session to get there.
Soccer Boy is starting into the same arguments we have had with Trouble. It goes a lot better knowing that he respects us though. And he doesn't get another parent involved to get his way. Soccer Boy seemed more somber this morning. He knows he made a mistake. It's hard to see him struggle but it's for the best. Maybe he will make better choices the next time.
Now I am off to get some cleaning done before picking up kids from school.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Counseling Details – The Juicy Stuff
So, I made it through the session. I did better than I thought I would actually. However, I probably did talk a little more than I should have. But I was calm and respectful the whole time.
The Witch cannot say the same. She obviously is not a yeller, so her voice was not raised but she was highly judgmental and argumentative. She did not listen to anything the counselor had to say at all. Her husband never spoke a single word. It was like he wasn't even there.
Not that this has anything to do with the session, but now that I've seen this guy up close, I have no clue what she left my husband for. I guess he makes more money and he is taller, but my husband is so attractive and hers… he's okay but not so much.
Husband did GREAT! I was totally proud of him and he said some things to her that needed to be said. Yet, he did it with a lot of class.
I wish I could remember everything but basically it started with the counselor talking about what he has observed from the two sessions and the email exchanges. He went over what he thought would be helpful for our situation, being that the adults need to come together and support each other's household, respect the differences and make the transitions as easy as possible between homes. Husband was the first to talk and said yes he agrees with what the counselor was saying. The Witch said she wasn't sure.
The Witch went into how Trouble is perfect at her house and they have no issues so the problems are all with Husband and mostly with me. (Big shock right?) That she is doing everything possible to help Trouble to spend more time with his dad and he doesn't want to come to the house anymore because of me.
Husband explained about some of the events leading up to Trouble not wanting to come over and explained how Trouble is using the two parents against one another to get what he wants because he figured out how he can.
The Witch said that she believes everything Trouble tells her, and she can't imagine him lying, so if he is saying there are problems, it's because there are.
Husband said Trouble has lied to her about things or exaggerated the truth many times.
The Witch was mad Husband called Trouble a liar and again said she believes what he says and that he would never lie.
Husband said he knows Trouble has lied and "Kids do that".
The counselor was close to laughing. I'm glad he has facial hair to hide behind or his emotions would give him away. The counselor said he doesn't feel arguing will help but Trouble will be biased in retelling of events and we need to be aware of that for future and take time to find out the facts from the other parent.
The Witch would have nothing to do with that at all.
I'm not sure what happened next. I think the counselor asked us about the differences in our homes and why some of those differences are causing issues. Something like that. Husband brought up going to church and how we want him to go with us but he causes huge fights about church.
The counselor asked if it's because of church, Stepped, the rules or doctrine. The Witch said it's because Trouble doesn't believe everything he hears at church but she has always been respectful of church and takes "Perfect" to church and more stuff I don't remember about how wonderful she is about church.
I had a look on my face like "Are you kidding me?"
The Witch said "Stepped do you have something to say?" (really snotty too by the way)
I took a second, since these would be my first words, and looked right at her and said "You don't think positively about church. I know your parents brought you up in this same church and you have been against it since you were 17. We all know you don't like our religion and you have not been supportive of our beliefs." - please note I was polite in my tone and my body language, thank you very much
She said nothing. Yeah me!
The counselor said he would like to talk to Trouble to find out what it is about church he doesn't like and all we can do is to speculate without him there.
The Witch and Husband talked about all kinds of things after this. Mostly arguing but I have to say Husband did not come across as angry or argumentative, even if he was contradicting what she was saying. He did get upset a few times but folded his arms across his chest and said nothing. She was mad though. Things were not going her way and she wasn't happy.
I spoke to The Witch directly a few other times. Once to defend Husband when The Witch said that Husband NEVER does anything with his kids. Husband was quiet so I piped up and listed off all of the things Husband does with his kids when they come to visit. Again, The Witch said nothing.
The counselor said he would talk to Trouble about what "spending time" means to him so he can get more clarification and work from there.
The Witch said I yell at Trouble all of the time and Husband came to my defense and said other than the one time, I am rarely involved and it's usually Husband enforcing rules that Trouble associates with Stepped, like bedtime. So while Trouble is saying he is mad at Stepped, Stepped wasn't the one involved.
I believe The Witch said something like "Oh please"
The next time I spoke was when she started in about the night I slapped Trouble and how she just can't have that. It's not okay to hit your child and I should have left him in the bathroom to cool down rather than barging into the bathroom yelling and hitting.
Obviously I couldn't let that one go, so I explained how I knocked on the door to ask him to come out and come to see a movie with us. I did not slap him until after all three of us were in the hall and he had been yelling in my face, then I did send him to sit on his bed to talk to his dad, and after we still went to see the movie.
The Witch said with eyes rolling "Because the most important thing was the movie."
I said "No. I was fine with Trouble not going to the movie but Husband wanted Trouble to go and I was supporting my husband."
The counselor said what happened that night was not okay but we need to let the past go. Talking about all of the bad things we have done is not helping. He asked us to think of positives on both sides because surely there are good things about everyone.
I don't know where this part was in the conversation but The Witch told Husband she was upset with him for taking Trouble to a birthday party this weekend, instead of spending time with him.
Husband said he did spend time with him and Trouble wanted to go to the party.
The Witch said Husband should have told Trouble no because they needed to spend more time together.
Husband said Trouble could have spent the entire day with him camping but Trouble didn't want to go.
The Witch said she tried to get Trouble to go but Trouble said no and she wasn't going to make him.
LOL -- Did you catch the contradiction?
Husband also said it wasn't up to her what he decides to do with the kids during his time. -- Go Husband!!
We ended the hour with the counselor once again telling The Witch she plays an important role in supporting Husband as Trouble's dad, even if she doesn't agree with the way he parents. He reiterated while we have different styles of parenting and different ideas about what is acceptable and what isn't, the important thing is for the kids to make the switch from one home to the other and respect the rules in each house. The Witch continued to say how it's not about her but only about Husband and me.
The last time I spoke to her I said "It is about you. We are all adults involved in Trouble's life and you need to be involved in this because you are his mother."
She said something like I am involved but kind of under her breath.
The counselor set an appointment for Trouble two weeks from now. The counselor will be talking to Trouble alone. As we walked out the counselor was saying he will try to keep some spots open for the weeks following, in the evenings, so we don't have to wait as long between sessions. The Witch walked right past the counselor, her husband on her heels, not a word to the counselor and bolted down the hallway. Husband and I paused to shake hands with the counselor and told him thank you.
The Witch will never change. I fear if she doesn't work on her little part of all of this, there is really no hope. But maybe the counselor can work miracles with Trouble. I don't totally get why The Witch is so negative. She barely has anything being asked of her. Husband and I are going to be on the hot seat for a long time and I'm sure we will be asked to make a lot of changes. If there was resistance you'd think it would be one of us.
I think Husband and I did the best we could. I probably should have kept my mouth shut a little more, but I also think what I said each time was important. Husband thought I did well.
So there you have it. My dreaded day is past and I got through it without getting mad. Working with Trouble and the counselor will be no fun either but I hope it will make some difference after a few times. I've been warned that counseling gets worse with teenagers before it gets better.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
More on Alone Time
I agree with what you all are saying but Trouble has a sister, "Perfect", so it's not like Trouble is here sharing Husband with me and/or my kids. She is very much part of the visitations too and she is older so he's always had another sibling around. I don't talk about her a lot, as she isn't my biggest concern right now, but still she is here. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me that Trouble would spend time with Husband alone. What would "Perfect" do? Stay here with me? Stay with The Witch? Why should she be left out? That isn't right.
It seems like this idea of "alone time" only became an issue as of late. I'm fairly sure it's another way of The Witch trying to make Husband look bad when really it's not very practical. Prior to me being in the picture Husband took both kids with him everywhere and I don't recall there ever being issues with having to share Husband.
However, the idea of taking one kid on an errand so there is alone time, yes, yes, yes. I do this as well and I have encouraged Husband to do the same.
Husband and I talked about this at length today as well, since we have no idea what The Witch is going to bring up and we want to be prepared. We both feel that as long as it's being demanded by the kids or by The Witch, then it's not going to happen. We are not going to be bossed around. Husband and I get to decide what works best for us, and if a time comes where one of us can take a child alone somewhere and no one feels left out, we should, but it's not going to be demanded or written in stone. We go with whatever works for that weekend and with whomever happens to be here at the time.
If it mattered that much for Trouble to spend alone time with Husband, he would have gone on the camp out. It's not about alone time, it's about splitting us up, dividing our fmaily, and that is not an option.
I hope I don't hurt any of your feelings. I really appreciated everything you said. It's been truly helpful for me to talk out my issues here and get your feedback. It helps me to figure out what I really think and feel.
It seems like this idea of "alone time" only became an issue as of late. I'm fairly sure it's another way of The Witch trying to make Husband look bad when really it's not very practical. Prior to me being in the picture Husband took both kids with him everywhere and I don't recall there ever being issues with having to share Husband.
However, the idea of taking one kid on an errand so there is alone time, yes, yes, yes. I do this as well and I have encouraged Husband to do the same.
Husband and I talked about this at length today as well, since we have no idea what The Witch is going to bring up and we want to be prepared. We both feel that as long as it's being demanded by the kids or by The Witch, then it's not going to happen. We are not going to be bossed around. Husband and I get to decide what works best for us, and if a time comes where one of us can take a child alone somewhere and no one feels left out, we should, but it's not going to be demanded or written in stone. We go with whatever works for that weekend and with whomever happens to be here at the time.
If it mattered that much for Trouble to spend alone time with Husband, he would have gone on the camp out. It's not about alone time, it's about splitting us up, dividing our fmaily, and that is not an option.
I hope I don't hurt any of your feelings. I really appreciated everything you said. It's been truly helpful for me to talk out my issues here and get your feedback. It helps me to figure out what I really think and feel.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Postponed
The Counselor didn't have any appointments for today so our appointment is going to be next week Wednesday. I thought I would be sad about that, but after the last two nights there is no way I am up for meeting with The Witch.
Husband and I talked at 4am and I was able to say what I tried to say the night before. And thanks to you ladies I had better words. It went well and he finally understood I was not insulting him but explaining that if he and/or "Perfect" are still harboring negative feelings about the birthday, we need to resolve it now and move on.
Husband also had an epiphany. He said he thinks that there must be something going on with him because he doesn't seem to be able to take charge of anything.
Halleluha! Finally!!
I hope this statement comes with action because it would make a huge difference if Husband could take more charge and not leave me to shoulder everything.
Husband and I talked at 4am and I was able to say what I tried to say the night before. And thanks to you ladies I had better words. It went well and he finally understood I was not insulting him but explaining that if he and/or "Perfect" are still harboring negative feelings about the birthday, we need to resolve it now and move on.
Husband also had an epiphany. He said he thinks that there must be something going on with him because he doesn't seem to be able to take charge of anything.
Halleluha! Finally!!
I hope this statement comes with action because it would make a huge difference if Husband could take more charge and not leave me to shoulder everything.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Terrible Day and now Night
Husband sent me a text saying that he was sorry he was being a jerk to me last night. I sent one back with a simple, Okay.
Husband came home from work and didn't look at me, talk to me, hug me or give me the slightest acknowledgement. I went upstairs and said that I thought he was sorry for the way he treated me, and he said that he was sorry but was in a bad mood. Okay, enough said. I went back downstairs.
Husband spent the rest of the night moping around. He never spoke to me. Now he is in bed.
I have no idea if something is going on with him, or if he expects me to do something, or what. I'm sitting here, exhausted, and needing my bed but not sure if I should get in it or sleep on the couch.
Somehow, I'm sure whatever it is, it's going to be my fault.
Husband came home from work and didn't look at me, talk to me, hug me or give me the slightest acknowledgement. I went upstairs and said that I thought he was sorry for the way he treated me, and he said that he was sorry but was in a bad mood. Okay, enough said. I went back downstairs.
Husband spent the rest of the night moping around. He never spoke to me. Now he is in bed.
I have no idea if something is going on with him, or if he expects me to do something, or what. I'm sitting here, exhausted, and needing my bed but not sure if I should get in it or sleep on the couch.
Somehow, I'm sure whatever it is, it's going to be my fault.
Terrible Day
Last night Husband and I were talking and somehow the conversation turned to all the things I've done wrong to upset "Perfect". It started with Husband telling me how we have hurt "Perfect" and every birthday she thinks about the birthday we got into a fight. I spent at least 20 minutes reminding Husband of that birthday and what happened.
Here's the condensed version:
Earlier in the day I found a huge bloodclot in my underwear. I called my doctor but their office was already closed. Several hours later Husband wanted to get out the birthday cake (which I made, thank you) and I cleared off the table, which required taking some things upstairs. I felt like I might be bleeding and stopped in the bathroom to check, and I was. Husband came upstairs to get me and was yelling at me that I'm being rude to "Perfect" and ruining her birthday. I went downstairs with him and sat at the table. We sang, did the candles and so on. They were all eating cake and I excused myself and went up to lay down. Husband came upstairs and YELLED at me that I was very selfish and he didn't care what the reason was for me leaving it's not an excuse for ruining "Perfect's" birthday and so on. Then he slammed the door. I never got to say a word about feeling sick and bleeding. When I got up from the bed, the bleeding was much worse and I felt I needed to go to the hospital. I went downstairs and told Husband about the bleeding and I needed to go to the hospital. Husband didn't want to take me because he didn't want "Perfect" to feel rejected and have this be her worst birthday ever, so after telling "Perfect" I was sorry but I was having an emergency, I drove myself to the hospital. Late that night when I returned home, the house was locked, the lights were out and everyone was sleeping, even Husband. Now, I was fine, I just had the worst period ever, during a non-period time of my cycle. It's never happened before or after.
So back to Husband and I last night...
I reminded Husband of this story, and asked Husband how he knows "Perfect" thinks about that birthday or that it bothers her. He said it just does. I pushed for an actual answer and he said because she told him it bothers her. I asked him how the conversation went. He said he couldn't remember. Then he changed his mind and said it was probably that she had a look on her face or something and he knew it was because of that birthday. (Seriously? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard) I asked him how he knew and he said he didn't know. Then he changed his mind again and said the "The Witch" told him. Again, I asked how the conversation went and did he explain what actually happened on that birthday? He got really angry and yelled at me all his typical poor Husband sob story excuses, like he can't remember anything, and it's all his fault and he's stupid, blah, blah. I asked him to stop being dramatic and just answer the question. He said he already did.
So, I changed my tactics and asked him if he felt like I did something wrong by having to got to the hospital on her birthday. Was it possible that he might have been able to help "Perfect" understand that it was not her fault, nor my fault, and Husband was being a jerk that day? That "Perfect", at 14 then, was old enough to understand an emergency and we could have postponed the celebration until the next day?
Husband's response was I'm right and it's all his fault. (I hate when he does that.)
I started crying and reminded him it was a hard day for me too. I felt very unloved and had to take care of myself and because he was so concerned about damaging his kids, he couldn't even think about how much it might hurt me. He couldn't even wait up to make sure I was okay.
Husband's response was that I am an adult.
I cried off and on most of the night and all day today. I'm not sure why I am feeling so emotional. Maybe because of all the other issues we are dealing with right now, but somehow his words just hit me in my gut.
I know I am an adult but good grief. I was having massive unexplained bleeding. It wouldn't matter to me what day it was, if someone in the family needs to go to the hospital, that becomes the new priority for me.
It seems to me if "Perfect" is actually still thinking about that day and it bothers her, or The Witch is using it as another reason to hate me, then Husband needs to fix it. I don't feel like I did anything wrong and I shouldn't be continually punished for needing to go to the hospital because it was someone's birthday.
If anything Husband should feel sorry for how much he hurt me as well.
Oh, no I forgot, Husband doesn't say he's sorry.
Here's the condensed version:
Earlier in the day I found a huge bloodclot in my underwear. I called my doctor but their office was already closed. Several hours later Husband wanted to get out the birthday cake (which I made, thank you) and I cleared off the table, which required taking some things upstairs. I felt like I might be bleeding and stopped in the bathroom to check, and I was. Husband came upstairs to get me and was yelling at me that I'm being rude to "Perfect" and ruining her birthday. I went downstairs with him and sat at the table. We sang, did the candles and so on. They were all eating cake and I excused myself and went up to lay down. Husband came upstairs and YELLED at me that I was very selfish and he didn't care what the reason was for me leaving it's not an excuse for ruining "Perfect's" birthday and so on. Then he slammed the door. I never got to say a word about feeling sick and bleeding. When I got up from the bed, the bleeding was much worse and I felt I needed to go to the hospital. I went downstairs and told Husband about the bleeding and I needed to go to the hospital. Husband didn't want to take me because he didn't want "Perfect" to feel rejected and have this be her worst birthday ever, so after telling "Perfect" I was sorry but I was having an emergency, I drove myself to the hospital. Late that night when I returned home, the house was locked, the lights were out and everyone was sleeping, even Husband. Now, I was fine, I just had the worst period ever, during a non-period time of my cycle. It's never happened before or after.
So back to Husband and I last night...
I reminded Husband of this story, and asked Husband how he knows "Perfect" thinks about that birthday or that it bothers her. He said it just does. I pushed for an actual answer and he said because she told him it bothers her. I asked him how the conversation went. He said he couldn't remember. Then he changed his mind and said it was probably that she had a look on her face or something and he knew it was because of that birthday. (Seriously? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard) I asked him how he knew and he said he didn't know. Then he changed his mind again and said the "The Witch" told him. Again, I asked how the conversation went and did he explain what actually happened on that birthday? He got really angry and yelled at me all his typical poor Husband sob story excuses, like he can't remember anything, and it's all his fault and he's stupid, blah, blah. I asked him to stop being dramatic and just answer the question. He said he already did.
So, I changed my tactics and asked him if he felt like I did something wrong by having to got to the hospital on her birthday. Was it possible that he might have been able to help "Perfect" understand that it was not her fault, nor my fault, and Husband was being a jerk that day? That "Perfect", at 14 then, was old enough to understand an emergency and we could have postponed the celebration until the next day?
Husband's response was I'm right and it's all his fault. (I hate when he does that.)
I started crying and reminded him it was a hard day for me too. I felt very unloved and had to take care of myself and because he was so concerned about damaging his kids, he couldn't even think about how much it might hurt me. He couldn't even wait up to make sure I was okay.
Husband's response was that I am an adult.
I cried off and on most of the night and all day today. I'm not sure why I am feeling so emotional. Maybe because of all the other issues we are dealing with right now, but somehow his words just hit me in my gut.
I know I am an adult but good grief. I was having massive unexplained bleeding. It wouldn't matter to me what day it was, if someone in the family needs to go to the hospital, that becomes the new priority for me.
It seems to me if "Perfect" is actually still thinking about that day and it bothers her, or The Witch is using it as another reason to hate me, then Husband needs to fix it. I don't feel like I did anything wrong and I shouldn't be continually punished for needing to go to the hospital because it was someone's birthday.
If anything Husband should feel sorry for how much he hurt me as well.
Oh, no I forgot, Husband doesn't say he's sorry.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It was a good day but then...
After I wrote my earlier post today, I did a little housework and headed out to spend time with some friends. We made plans last week to see a movie and eat at the mall. We had a great time talking, and one of the ladies recently moved here, so it was fun getting to know someone new. The movie, When in Rome, wasn't all that great. It was cute but also silly. It didn't really matter though. We had fun.
I rushed home to pick up Baby Boy from school, along with two of his friends for a play date. When Soccer Boy got home, I spent some time with him as well. Drama Boy went to a friend's house so all I got was a phone call from him. I was really enjoying myself, and the kids were having fun hanging out with me too.
Then Husband (and "Perfect") came home and who knew that would turn into a mess? Certainly not me.
I went upstairs to talk to Husband and welcome him home, see how his day went and all that typical stuff. We got to talking about Husband calling to make our appointment with the counselor, and Husband said that he didn't make it because he couldn't get a hold of me. He made a point of getting my cell phone (which I had left at home on accident when I was out for the day) to show me that he had sent me a message trying to talk to me. The counselor was only available at certain times and he wanted to find out what time would work for me. Since I didn't answer him, he didn't make the appointment. All of which sounds reasonable and considerate, except I thought he wanted to take the appointment already in place for next week. The appointment where we were supposed to have a group session. We talked about that yesterday and I made all the arrangements with our insurance so that he could change the appointment from a group session to a session with just us. What was there to ask me about? Anyway, he obviously misunderstood, or I did, but either way there was a misunderstanding.
Husband was frustrated and told me that he doesn't want to have multiple appointments but would like to get to a resolution as soon as possible. He wants his son to come back over here in the next week or two. He also told me that I am bossy and that I'm just trying to get my way.
Honestly, I couldn't say anything. I was very surprised to hear that. I thought I was doing what he wanted and had asked me to do. He even made sure I had the right phone numbers and insurance information before he left for work today. This is certainly not how I want things. If I wanted to force my way, it would be that Trouble never come back over here again and Husband can spend time with him at the mall, or park, or movie theater or wherever, during his visitation. But I realize that is only in my best interest and not the best interest of Husband or Trouble. Going to counselling and trying to work with Trouble and The Witch is a royal pain. But because I love Husband and want Trouble to learn better ways of dealing with life, frustrations and jealousy, I'm a willing party. I'm really not sure how I am being bossy or trying to get my way.
Right now I feel very sensitive. It feels like I'm beaten up on a regular basis. I'm trying to have understanding for Trouble and The Witch in all their threats but I need to feel like Husband is supporting me just like I am supporting him. It hurts me very much when he says things like that. I need to hear that he loves and appreciates me.
So guess what? I'm now going to have to go downstairs and tell Husband that I love him and I'm sorry. Or I can stay up here and we can be angry with one another for the weekend. And of course if I stay up here and we are angry with one another, Husband will be sure to tell me how this is all my fault because of how I acted, that I always do this, that I treat him like crap...
I just need a hug sooo bad! I'd like to feel like I'm still loved even if I'm not perfect and that Husband feels bad about how he acted even if I didn't apologize first. Sometimes I think I'm not worthy of that because I've made too many mistakes.
I rushed home to pick up Baby Boy from school, along with two of his friends for a play date. When Soccer Boy got home, I spent some time with him as well. Drama Boy went to a friend's house so all I got was a phone call from him. I was really enjoying myself, and the kids were having fun hanging out with me too.
Then Husband (and "Perfect") came home and who knew that would turn into a mess? Certainly not me.
I went upstairs to talk to Husband and welcome him home, see how his day went and all that typical stuff. We got to talking about Husband calling to make our appointment with the counselor, and Husband said that he didn't make it because he couldn't get a hold of me. He made a point of getting my cell phone (which I had left at home on accident when I was out for the day) to show me that he had sent me a message trying to talk to me. The counselor was only available at certain times and he wanted to find out what time would work for me. Since I didn't answer him, he didn't make the appointment. All of which sounds reasonable and considerate, except I thought he wanted to take the appointment already in place for next week. The appointment where we were supposed to have a group session. We talked about that yesterday and I made all the arrangements with our insurance so that he could change the appointment from a group session to a session with just us. What was there to ask me about? Anyway, he obviously misunderstood, or I did, but either way there was a misunderstanding.
Husband was frustrated and told me that he doesn't want to have multiple appointments but would like to get to a resolution as soon as possible. He wants his son to come back over here in the next week or two. He also told me that I am bossy and that I'm just trying to get my way.
Honestly, I couldn't say anything. I was very surprised to hear that. I thought I was doing what he wanted and had asked me to do. He even made sure I had the right phone numbers and insurance information before he left for work today. This is certainly not how I want things. If I wanted to force my way, it would be that Trouble never come back over here again and Husband can spend time with him at the mall, or park, or movie theater or wherever, during his visitation. But I realize that is only in my best interest and not the best interest of Husband or Trouble. Going to counselling and trying to work with Trouble and The Witch is a royal pain. But because I love Husband and want Trouble to learn better ways of dealing with life, frustrations and jealousy, I'm a willing party. I'm really not sure how I am being bossy or trying to get my way.
Right now I feel very sensitive. It feels like I'm beaten up on a regular basis. I'm trying to have understanding for Trouble and The Witch in all their threats but I need to feel like Husband is supporting me just like I am supporting him. It hurts me very much when he says things like that. I need to hear that he loves and appreciates me.
So guess what? I'm now going to have to go downstairs and tell Husband that I love him and I'm sorry. Or I can stay up here and we can be angry with one another for the weekend. And of course if I stay up here and we are angry with one another, Husband will be sure to tell me how this is all my fault because of how I acted, that I always do this, that I treat him like crap...
I just need a hug sooo bad! I'd like to feel like I'm still loved even if I'm not perfect and that Husband feels bad about how he acted even if I didn't apologize first. Sometimes I think I'm not worthy of that because I've made too many mistakes.
Things are Looking Up
I'm feeling much better today after all of yesterday's bad news. I made some phone calls this morning and found out that Trouble's counselor is also on our insurance plan. So, we can see this man a few times for free and we don't have to be subjected to The Witch in order to do it. So Yeah! Husband is supposed to be calling to change next week's appointment from a group session to a session with just us. I'll need to find someone to pick up Baby Boy from school, but it will be worth it.
I also contacted Trouble's school counselor to set up an appointment for Husband to meet with her. Husband would like to talk to her before we go see the other counselor. So, he will be meeting with her Tuesday and then we should see the other guy on Wednesday. So Yeah again!
It's nice to feel like I have some control again. I really wasn't happy being dictated to by The Witch. And I'm glad to see Husband taking some control as well. He doesn't do that very often when it comes to The Witch or his kids. I can tell that all of this is very important to him.
I also contacted Trouble's school counselor to set up an appointment for Husband to meet with her. Husband would like to talk to her before we go see the other counselor. So, he will be meeting with her Tuesday and then we should see the other guy on Wednesday. So Yeah again!
It's nice to feel like I have some control again. I really wasn't happy being dictated to by The Witch. And I'm glad to see Husband taking some control as well. He doesn't do that very often when it comes to The Witch or his kids. I can tell that all of this is very important to him.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Hard Day with Benefits
Husband tried to talk to The Witch yesterday about the counselling appointment, but she was too busy to talk. Can you say coward?
Instead Husband sent a text and told her that he was disappointed that she didn't send him the appointment information so that he could be there and meet the counselor because he has wanted to get Trouble into counselling for a while now.
The Witch wrote back that this was her attorney's idea, not Husbands. Whatever. It probably was his/her suggestion but Husband talked to her about this before.
The Witch also said that Husband has no right to be there because this is HER insurance and that I (Stepped) had better be scared and better show up because I'm the one who needs the counselling, not Trouble. That if I don't show up, she will take us to court.
Yes, more threats. *sigh*
I started crying because I actually am scared. The Witch is really mean. I've seen the things she has done to her family members, so I know that there is evil in her. She hates me, so who knows what she is capable of.
Husband and I were also sent text messages from The Witch that Trouble had sent to her the night I smacked him. They were basically his telling of what happened. Husband and I weren't shocked when we read them, but I guess we were a little disappointed with Trouble's version. It really sounded bad and if that is what The Witch thinks happened, then it's no wonder she is totally freaking out. It seems when Husband talked to her, also that same night, she decided Husband was lying. Trouble made himself sound totally innocent and made me out to be a complete psycho. Like he was just sitting there in the bathroom and I came in and starting hitting him for no reason and all he could do was try to defend himself and tell me to stop. Um, no that is not right. Honestly, I can't understand why she would even believe such a story. It's just so far fetched. Wouldn't most people wonder what happened that would set someone off that they would want to hit another person? It seems very unreasonable that anyone would do something like that unprovoked. But there I go thinking she is reasonable, and of course she is not.
For the back story - Smackdown with Trouble
No phone call from the counselor today either which worries me. I really want to know what is going on.
Husband wants to talk to Trouble's school counselor and get some information from them, and he wants us to make our own appointment with this other counselor so we can talk to him alone, under our own insurance so we aren't subjected to The Witch. I think that sounds like a good idea. We really need to talk with him before we have a group meeting.
So, after about 3 hours with talk about Trouble and The Witch, I decided that it was time to put it to rest. I took Husband upstairs and we made love for an hour. A much better way to spend our time.
Instead Husband sent a text and told her that he was disappointed that she didn't send him the appointment information so that he could be there and meet the counselor because he has wanted to get Trouble into counselling for a while now.
The Witch wrote back that this was her attorney's idea, not Husbands. Whatever. It probably was his/her suggestion but Husband talked to her about this before.
The Witch also said that Husband has no right to be there because this is HER insurance and that I (Stepped) had better be scared and better show up because I'm the one who needs the counselling, not Trouble. That if I don't show up, she will take us to court.
Yes, more threats. *sigh*
I started crying because I actually am scared. The Witch is really mean. I've seen the things she has done to her family members, so I know that there is evil in her. She hates me, so who knows what she is capable of.
Husband and I were also sent text messages from The Witch that Trouble had sent to her the night I smacked him. They were basically his telling of what happened. Husband and I weren't shocked when we read them, but I guess we were a little disappointed with Trouble's version. It really sounded bad and if that is what The Witch thinks happened, then it's no wonder she is totally freaking out. It seems when Husband talked to her, also that same night, she decided Husband was lying. Trouble made himself sound totally innocent and made me out to be a complete psycho. Like he was just sitting there in the bathroom and I came in and starting hitting him for no reason and all he could do was try to defend himself and tell me to stop. Um, no that is not right. Honestly, I can't understand why she would even believe such a story. It's just so far fetched. Wouldn't most people wonder what happened that would set someone off that they would want to hit another person? It seems very unreasonable that anyone would do something like that unprovoked. But there I go thinking she is reasonable, and of course she is not.
For the back story - Smackdown with Trouble
No phone call from the counselor today either which worries me. I really want to know what is going on.
Husband wants to talk to Trouble's school counselor and get some information from them, and he wants us to make our own appointment with this other counselor so we can talk to him alone, under our own insurance so we aren't subjected to The Witch. I think that sounds like a good idea. We really need to talk with him before we have a group meeting.
So, after about 3 hours with talk about Trouble and The Witch, I decided that it was time to put it to rest. I took Husband upstairs and we made love for an hour. A much better way to spend our time.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
"My" Family
What does family actually mean? Is it blood relation? Those you live with? People who care about you? Do you have to see them regularly for family to apply?
Last night Husband was brushing his teeth getting ready for bed and I was running around getting Baby Boy settled down and ready for bed. It was the typical evening routine. Baby Boy picked up Husband's watch and was playing with it. He thought the clasp was cool and asked a lot of questions about how it worked and why it was made the way it was made. We answered all of his questions as he took it on and off of his wrist. As I was walking Baby Boy out of the bathroom to get him into bed he said to Husband:
"Can I have this watch after you die?"
I laughed. Baby Boy cracks me up with the things he thinks of sometimes.
Husband did not find this funny however and said very seriously:
"No. Someone in my family might want it."
Baby Boy wasn't phased and happily walked out of the room, while I looked back at Husband with shock and disgust.
After Baby Boy was tucked in, kisses were exchanged and he was on his way to dreamland, I got into bed next to Husband who asked me if I was mad at him. Um, YES!
But I said: "A little"
He said: "I'm sorry about the watch thing. I took that too seriously I guess. What should I have said?"
"You could have said, 'I don't know. Maybe'"
He agreed.
I thought of my next words carefully and said: "Baby Boy was only 2 when you came into his life. He doesn't know family to be anything different then how it is now. You are his family."
Husband was quiet. We snuggled together for a little while. Then husband said, a little choked up: "He is my family."
Last night Husband was brushing his teeth getting ready for bed and I was running around getting Baby Boy settled down and ready for bed. It was the typical evening routine. Baby Boy picked up Husband's watch and was playing with it. He thought the clasp was cool and asked a lot of questions about how it worked and why it was made the way it was made. We answered all of his questions as he took it on and off of his wrist. As I was walking Baby Boy out of the bathroom to get him into bed he said to Husband:
"Can I have this watch after you die?"
I laughed. Baby Boy cracks me up with the things he thinks of sometimes.
Husband did not find this funny however and said very seriously:
"No. Someone in my family might want it."
Baby Boy wasn't phased and happily walked out of the room, while I looked back at Husband with shock and disgust.
After Baby Boy was tucked in, kisses were exchanged and he was on his way to dreamland, I got into bed next to Husband who asked me if I was mad at him. Um, YES!
But I said: "A little"
He said: "I'm sorry about the watch thing. I took that too seriously I guess. What should I have said?"
"You could have said, 'I don't know. Maybe'"
He agreed.
I thought of my next words carefully and said: "Baby Boy was only 2 when you came into his life. He doesn't know family to be anything different then how it is now. You are his family."
Husband was quiet. We snuggled together for a little while. Then husband said, a little choked up: "He is my family."
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Update - Husband and the Whine
Yesterday after husband came home from work, I did just as I said I would. I smiled and greeted him and acted like nothing happened. I thought I would be mad about it, but really it felt okay, so while I did find his whining irritating I guess I wasn't all that mad about it.
We had dinner and sat down on the couch. I was talking to Husband about some of the blog posts and comments I read during the day that really seemed to apply to us and just before I got up he told me that he was really sorry about how he acted last night.
I have to admit that this is very out of character for Husband. He has a hard time admitting when he has done something wrong, so for him to apologize out of the blue, was a total break through for him.
And last night we made love, just because I do love him, and it seemed like a good way to say "Thank you for saying I'm sorry." Afterward, he whispered to me that when I'm not in the mood he needs to try to remember that when I am it is sooo good and to have more patience.
I think it was worth sleeping on the couch one night.
We had dinner and sat down on the couch. I was talking to Husband about some of the blog posts and comments I read during the day that really seemed to apply to us and just before I got up he told me that he was really sorry about how he acted last night.
I have to admit that this is very out of character for Husband. He has a hard time admitting when he has done something wrong, so for him to apologize out of the blue, was a total break through for him.
And last night we made love, just because I do love him, and it seemed like a good way to say "Thank you for saying I'm sorry." Afterward, he whispered to me that when I'm not in the mood he needs to try to remember that when I am it is sooo good and to have more patience.
I think it was worth sleeping on the couch one night.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Husband and the Whine
I have PMS at the moment, which means moody city! I'm taking some natural vitamins which do lessen the ups and downs. Prior to the vitamins, I had a constant knot in my stomach and that knot made me feel angry. I couldn't figure out what the anger was about. It seemed like anything could set me off. Now that I have these vitamins, the knot is gone and I no longer feel anger. The irritation has not gone away however, and it's at these moments when I really want to be left alone. I'm not interested in hugs, kisses, cuddles and certainly not sex!
The last time we made love was Thursday night. Since that time, the PMS of leave me alone, has set in. I've warned Husband about this but as each day has passed he is more whiney and clingy which only makes my irritation worse.
In the middle of the night Sunday, I woke up at 1:30am and tossed and turned for hours. I finally got up at 5:00am and went to downstairs. About 10 minutes later Husband came down to snuggle up to me. I seriously hated it. I wanted to be left alone, but I know I need to tread lightly in order not to hurt his feelings, so I said nothing. We went back to bed at 5:30am and I actually fell asleep.
Sometime in the 6:00 hour my arm fell asleep and I moved in order to let the blood flow again which woke Husband. Husband thought I was trying to come onto him, which I certainly was NOT. He must have asked me 3 or 4 times if I wanted him, until I finally pushed him away from me and told him that I just barely got back to sleep and no I was not interested.
Husband spent the rest of the day Sunday, hugging me, touching me, holding me, complaining at me that I don't want him around and so on and so forth. I have PMS!! Just leave me alone for a few days already!
Sunday night Husband never left my side and continued to ask me if I was ready for bed. Just after 10:00pm we went to bed and husband was literally attacking me. Hands up my shirt, hands down the back of my pants.... I kept removing his hands but he kept on trying.
I reminded him again that I was not interested. I have PMS and he needs to leave me alone for a few days. And this is where the whine set in.
Husband "It's been 3 days!"
Husband "I need to stop liking you so much."
Husband "Will you ever want to be with me again?"
Husband "Maybe if I stop liking you I won't want you anymore. Then you would be happy."
Husband "I'm tired of all this rejection."
Me "Seriously?! I have PMS. It will be a few more days. Stop acting like a baby."
Husband "Its always my fault. Stop talking to me and go to sleep."
Silence for several minutes.
Husband "You never want me. You always reject me. I'm tired of it. Why don't you go sleep in another room?"
Me "Okay, I will" Got up and picked up pillow.
Husband "Why don't we make this permanent?"
I went downstairs to sleep on the couch.
Husband is starting to get on my nerves. I'm doing my best to keep myself in check, as I get so tired of us arguing about things. But last night he was doing his best to push me over the top with all of the insecure, selfish whining. Really, it's a total turn off to me. I thought I was marrying a man. If one of us is going to act all emotional its supposed to be me right?!
At this point I feel a little used. If I don't have sex when Husband wants it then he wants a divorce? Really? What kind of statement is that? I realize he is being a total whiney baby and I know he doesn't mean what he said. It was all emotional non-sense. However, what kind of man says something so selfish? It's been 3 days!!! That is not an eternity.
When he comes home from work today, I will be required to act like nothing happened and give him smiles and hugs. I seriously resent that I have to do these things. But it beats the alternative of verbal bashings for the remainder of the evening about how terrible I am to him and about all of this rejection he is getting, that I don't love him and don't want him around.
Rejection has become a 4 letter word to me. Get over it Husband! Stop the whining and find something else to do to pass the time for a few days. All the whine is making me drunk enough to puke.
The last time we made love was Thursday night. Since that time, the PMS of leave me alone, has set in. I've warned Husband about this but as each day has passed he is more whiney and clingy which only makes my irritation worse.
In the middle of the night Sunday, I woke up at 1:30am and tossed and turned for hours. I finally got up at 5:00am and went to downstairs. About 10 minutes later Husband came down to snuggle up to me. I seriously hated it. I wanted to be left alone, but I know I need to tread lightly in order not to hurt his feelings, so I said nothing. We went back to bed at 5:30am and I actually fell asleep.
Sometime in the 6:00 hour my arm fell asleep and I moved in order to let the blood flow again which woke Husband. Husband thought I was trying to come onto him, which I certainly was NOT. He must have asked me 3 or 4 times if I wanted him, until I finally pushed him away from me and told him that I just barely got back to sleep and no I was not interested.
Husband spent the rest of the day Sunday, hugging me, touching me, holding me, complaining at me that I don't want him around and so on and so forth. I have PMS!! Just leave me alone for a few days already!
Sunday night Husband never left my side and continued to ask me if I was ready for bed. Just after 10:00pm we went to bed and husband was literally attacking me. Hands up my shirt, hands down the back of my pants.... I kept removing his hands but he kept on trying.
I reminded him again that I was not interested. I have PMS and he needs to leave me alone for a few days. And this is where the whine set in.
Husband "It's been 3 days!"
Husband "I need to stop liking you so much."
Husband "Will you ever want to be with me again?"
Husband "Maybe if I stop liking you I won't want you anymore. Then you would be happy."
Husband "I'm tired of all this rejection."
Me "Seriously?! I have PMS. It will be a few more days. Stop acting like a baby."
Husband "Its always my fault. Stop talking to me and go to sleep."
Silence for several minutes.
Husband "You never want me. You always reject me. I'm tired of it. Why don't you go sleep in another room?"
Me "Okay, I will" Got up and picked up pillow.
Husband "Why don't we make this permanent?"
I went downstairs to sleep on the couch.
Husband is starting to get on my nerves. I'm doing my best to keep myself in check, as I get so tired of us arguing about things. But last night he was doing his best to push me over the top with all of the insecure, selfish whining. Really, it's a total turn off to me. I thought I was marrying a man. If one of us is going to act all emotional its supposed to be me right?!
At this point I feel a little used. If I don't have sex when Husband wants it then he wants a divorce? Really? What kind of statement is that? I realize he is being a total whiney baby and I know he doesn't mean what he said. It was all emotional non-sense. However, what kind of man says something so selfish? It's been 3 days!!! That is not an eternity.
When he comes home from work today, I will be required to act like nothing happened and give him smiles and hugs. I seriously resent that I have to do these things. But it beats the alternative of verbal bashings for the remainder of the evening about how terrible I am to him and about all of this rejection he is getting, that I don't love him and don't want him around.
Rejection has become a 4 letter word to me. Get over it Husband! Stop the whining and find something else to do to pass the time for a few days. All the whine is making me drunk enough to puke.
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