What I wish I could have said, but of course never would:
The Witch "Husband should have told Trouble no (in reference to the birthday party) and spent time alone with him."
Stepped "Trouble had a good time at the party. Husband felt comfortable with his decision to take Trouble to the party. They were both happy and had a good evening. But because Husband didn't do exactly what you wanted him to do, or handle the evening the way you would have handled it, you are upset. Trouble is bright enough to figure out that you do not approve of the way Husband handles things and that you would do things differently. It now makes sense why Trouble no longer respects Husband or listens to Husband, no matter what tone of voice is being used in the asking. Husband has lost all credibility as a parent because of your attitude about his parenting.
The same situation applies to us going to see a movie two weeks ago. Trouble had a good time and Husband and I felt like it was a good first step in mending our relationship with Trouble. But your response was that I should not have gone with them and Trouble was uncomfortable, so Husband did the wrong thing. I was uncomfortable too! It's going to be uncomfortable for some time and had been uncomfortable for at least a year prior to this. This is the reason we are here, to work on things so we can be comfortable with one another again. In the meantime, if you are constantly critical of everything Husband does or doesn't do, Trouble will never come to respect his dad, and we will never be able to mend the relationship fully.
So far you have been negative and critical. Trouble knows how you feel about Husband's parenting and Trouble now has the same attitude. This is what the counselor means when he says you need to be supportive of Husband as Trouble's dad. You need to change how you are responding to Trouble when he is upset about something Husband has done or when Trouble makes comments about his activities where you do not approve."
How do you think that would have gone over? *smirk*
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all worth saying... but sometimes silence is oh so golden... and it sounds as if the counselor is already in your corner... he may eventually say similar things to her ;) And then she can't really take it out on you, can she?? You're doing great! keep it up!
ReplyDeleteWhile that all would have been good points to say as it is all the TRUTH, the counselor may have seen that all as you trying to be in the middle of it all, when it isn't that way. I think from the sounds of it you did a great job, and I definetly would not want to have to do what you did...
ReplyDeleteYou have such a great way of expressing yourself in words. It sounds like, though, you said just enough to let the counselor know who you are, and the Witch to know you won't allow her to walk on you and your hubby. I really admire your strength because I know I would not have done so well.
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