Random Thoughts

I think the big meeting of adults will be Wednesday. I can feel the strain of it already. My mind is constantly consumed with what to say, how to act, and what not to say and how not to react. I've got a slight headache and a tummy ache.

At times I think it would be better if I simply said nothing, unless directly asked a question. Then I start thinking about how Husband is going to answer questions or explain things and that in itself stresses me out. He's not the best communicator and he doesn't remember details very well. He typically causes more problems then he solves. Which puts it on me to either step in and rescue him and us, or allow him to make a mess of things. I know my personality and I wouldn't be be able to sit there quietly in that circumstance.

I also feel if I do too much of the talking, it's only going to aggravate The Witch. She has no interest in what I think or have to say. I can see that meeting going nowhere fast if I talk too often and while I'd love to see her hang herself, I also want productivity. I desperately need a resolution and I want to be an asset to getting there.

Which leads me to many of the things The Witch has said.

"Everyone was happier before I came along": Life naturally changed when Husband and I got married. There is no logic in thinking that life for the steps should remain unchanged when Husband got married. There is no logic in taking the stance that Husband is a bad parent because he doesn't make his kids happy at every moment and do what they want, when they want, and how they want. And there is no logic in blaming me for these natural life changes.

"The steps don't want me around": I've mulled this one over a lot lately, and what I come up with is that the steps can manipulate their dad when I am not around. Husband knows they do this too but he has the typical dad guilt for not being around more often and gives in even when he knows he shouldn't. It makes sense to me now that the steps wouldn't want me around in order to get their way. Husband needs to change this about himself and be more consistant. He doesn't need me to make his decisions. He needs to grow a pair and be a parent. Maybe the counselor can help him with this individually.