Husband spends 80 to 85% of his visitations taking his two kids out to do various activities just the three of them. My bio kids have those weekends with their own dad, so the only person the steps "compete with" is me, and I don't find all the things they do very fun, plus I have my own friends and I do girls night when my kids are gone for the weekend. The steps love to walk around the mall, which I avoid like the black plague. They watch movies I don't care to see. Husband has taken his kids on vacation to see his family without me, and this summer they spent two weeks on a vacation while I was across the country visiting my own family. Plus driving back and forth from The Witch's house to our, shopping, errands, and other basic things.
I NEVER said that I didn't want the steps to spend alone time with their dad and I am actually offended that anyone would read that into my question or my posts.
I asked if Husband should spend EVERY visitation with ONLY his kids based on a sentence in The Witch's email. And now that I've had days of thinking about it, plus being trashed on my blog, I realize it was a dumb question. Of course it's okay for me and/or my kids to be involved in activities with Husband and the steps and it's okay for us to plan family activities. I shouldn't listen to The Witch complaining and think that she's right about anything. It's stupid that she was mad because I was at the movies too. Trouble had a good time and told Husband that he did and so did the rest of us.
I know I've opened another can of worms by even posting this, but it seems I was not frank enough about what I was asking or saying. So, now it's frank.
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You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to convey exactly what your life is like in a few paragraphs on a blog. Misunderstandings are bound to happen. Just keep doing the best you can. You're a great mom and stepmom! Good luck today :)
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great way to feel going into what you have to today!!
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you a question...why does a child need alone time in the first place? I have a step-daughter, son and daughter. We do most everything as a family. Dad plays with all of them together, they hang out and read books, do video games, go to the store...whatever. He NEVER tells any of them "no you can't go". That is obsurd for the "monster" I mean mother to demand alone time (that is what I am getting). Stand your ground and remember "you" make the rules for your house not her! Good Luck
ReplyDeleteI replied a few minutes ago but do not see it. I hope you stand strong and don't let the "monster" I mean mother try and dictate your house. You have been through alot and are a very strong women. And as I said before, kids do not need alone time every visit. Adults need alone time for adult stuff. Kids on the other hand can all hang out coloring, playing games, baking, watching a movie or whatever as a family. Unless a child wants to have a private conversation why can't the other children go to the grocery store too or be there when the child is with the father?
ReplyDeleteI do get that in situations where there is less than 50/50 - like EOW only type situations, that the kid would like to have some alone time with the parent. But not all the time. A SM/SD is also part of the parent's life and that means sharing time with that person too.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like she is trying to drive a wedge between you and DH, and Trouble is falling right into the part she needs him to play here.
Nothing wrong with Dad and Trouble doing something alone every weekend, but Trouble needs to also spend time with Princess and you.
I hope things go ok today. Good luck.
I agree with Victoria on this... I have a daughter & a son & my hubby has 2 daughters... when he & "the girls" do things, my daughter would want to do them too... we ewre married when she was 5, so in all respects, he IS her daddy too... it was hard for HIS girls to understand that after their mother got it into their head that they HAD to have ALONE time with him... Our solution was to have daddy dates that were one on one with each individual girl... his 2 are 4yrs apart & we had noticed they opened up more when the other wasn't around to rat them out to mom... (we got a lot of "pleae don't tell mom I said that" or Please don't tell sister, she'll tell mom") It worked for awhile until BM convinced them that that was wrong too... now they don't come around at all... but whatever...
ReplyDeleteThe counselor certainly needs to know this information and would be nice if your husband was the messenger. But if not, definitely speak up if given the opportunity. I don't know how anyone, meaning Trouble or his mother, has any room to complain after all the major chunks of time they have been alloted with "Dad only."
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you posted "Can of Worms" because as a fairly new reader I was really confused as to why some readers were being so harsh to you. Last night I started reading through some old posts in an effort to figure out what I had missed because everything I had read gave me ZERO indication that you were saying your stepkids could NEVER have alone time with their dad. So now that you have made the situation even more clear...It's my opinion that a generous amount of "Dad time" has been afforded his children. Another factor that comes in play regarding seperate vacations is financial resources. In our family we are lucky if we can afford any type of vaca at all...so I'll be damned if all of my hard work and my husband's hard work would result in only HIS children going on vacation with OUR hard earned money. Not to mention WE ALL deserve time with my husband when he has time off, including my own bio children who view and love my husband as their primary father.
The "Witch", as you call her, needs to butt-out of how time is spent with the children when they are at your house. She wants to control your house and especially your husband and one of the easiest ways to do so is to start pulling the puppet strings of her children. And as for Trouble, his behavior and his list of wants, sounds like that of a spoiled, manipulative,selfish teen. Mom seems to be reinforcing that life at your house should be all about Trouble. And that, to me, is totally unacceptable.
I sincerely hope that things went well in your session today. I'm sure this has been a very stressful and emotional time for you. But you do have support out here. Hang in there!