Terrible Day

Last night Husband and I were talking and somehow the conversation turned to all the things I've done wrong to upset "Perfect". It started with Husband telling me how we have hurt "Perfect" and every birthday she thinks about the birthday we got into a fight. I spent at least 20 minutes reminding Husband of that birthday and what happened.

Here's the condensed version:

Earlier in the day I found a huge bloodclot in my underwear. I called my doctor but their office was already closed. Several hours later Husband wanted to get out the birthday cake (which I made, thank you) and I cleared off the table, which required taking some things upstairs. I felt like I might be bleeding and stopped in the bathroom to check, and I was. Husband came upstairs to get me and was yelling at me that I'm being rude to "Perfect" and ruining her birthday. I went downstairs with him and sat at the table. We sang, did the candles and so on. They were all eating cake and I excused myself and went up to lay down. Husband came upstairs and YELLED at me that I was very selfish and he didn't care what the reason was for me leaving it's not an excuse for ruining "Perfect's" birthday and so on. Then he slammed the door. I never got to say a word about feeling sick and bleeding. When I got up from the bed, the bleeding was much worse and I felt I needed to go to the hospital. I went downstairs and told Husband about the bleeding and I needed to go to the hospital. Husband didn't want to take me because he didn't want "Perfect" to feel rejected and have this be her worst birthday ever, so after telling "Perfect" I was sorry but I was having an emergency, I drove myself to the hospital. Late that night when I returned home, the house was locked, the lights were out and everyone was sleeping, even Husband. Now, I was fine, I just had the worst period ever, during a non-period time of my cycle. It's never happened before or after.

So back to Husband and I last night...

I reminded Husband of this story, and asked Husband how he knows "Perfect" thinks about that birthday or that it bothers her. He said it just does. I pushed for an actual answer and he said because she told him it bothers her. I asked him how the conversation went. He said he couldn't remember. Then he changed his mind and said it was probably that she had a look on her face or something and he knew it was because of that birthday. (Seriously? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard) I asked him how he knew and he said he didn't know. Then he changed his mind again and said the "The Witch" told him. Again, I asked how the conversation went and did he explain what actually happened on that birthday? He got really angry and yelled at me all his typical poor Husband sob story excuses, like he can't remember anything, and it's all his fault and he's stupid, blah, blah. I asked him to stop being dramatic and just answer the question. He said he already did.

So, I changed my tactics and asked him if he felt like I did something wrong by having to got to the hospital on her birthday. Was it possible that he might have been able to help "Perfect" understand that it was not her fault, nor my fault, and Husband was being a jerk that day? That "Perfect", at 14 then, was old enough to understand an emergency and we could have postponed the celebration until the next day?

Husband's response was I'm right and it's all his fault. (I hate when he does that.)

I started crying and reminded him it was a hard day for me too. I felt very unloved and had to take care of myself and because he was so concerned about damaging his kids, he couldn't even think about how much it might hurt me. He couldn't even wait up to make sure I was okay.

Husband's response was that I am an adult.

I cried off and on most of the night and all day today. I'm not sure why I am feeling so emotional. Maybe because of all the other issues we are dealing with right now, but somehow his words just hit me in my gut.

I know I am an adult but good grief. I was having massive unexplained bleeding. It wouldn't matter to me what day it was, if someone in the family needs to go to the hospital, that becomes the new priority for me.

It seems to me if "Perfect" is actually still thinking about that day and it bothers her, or The Witch is using it as another reason to hate me, then Husband needs to fix it. I don't feel like I did anything wrong and I shouldn't be continually punished for needing to go to the hospital because it was someone's birthday.

If anything Husband should feel sorry for how much he hurt me as well.

Oh, no I forgot, Husband doesn't say he's sorry.